The summer hump is upon us! This beast of a season is raring its angry flaring trident at us, or whatever, and I have immense doubts about my lack of air conditioning. But, the stifling heat in my third-floor apartment does force my best creative habits, like (a) brewing unconventional and mostly disgusting home-made elixirs, (b) spending too much time in the office, (c) making home-made videos, and (d) doing a little night-running. It's too hot to schlep a gym bag around, and if I'm going to be sweating anyway, at least let's make it a productive sweat.
Truth be told, I can't get my ass out the door unless I've got good weather, good-looking shorts and a good playlist. And thus my pledge!
I'm not joking about a playlist, adjective mean. While I'm huffing and puffing in neon yellow shorts, I need some strong females to keep me going who ain't afraid to make a joke about a motherboard. I've picked 10 of my 90-song playlist and it's not by accident that it's all lady-pop with the occasional robotic mention. This is for you, geeks, runnas, ladies! Anybodies! Nab my playlist from 8tracks.com (so happy to see that this is legal).
1. Annie — Chewing Gum
Isn't Annie the cutest scoop of Norwegian pop you've ever heard? Heavy on the fast-tempo but light on the balls of your feet, this record works your mean eyebrow while you sing along to your imaginary slow-running ex -- "You think you're chocolate but you're chewing gum." Bonus: thoughts of candy, outrunning exes, mmmm.
2. Beyonce — Video Phone
It's the Queen of Sex recording herself with her phone, hello! So sexy! It's secretive, it's replete with ownership and power, it's voyeuristic yet replicable so there's some fun in the danger, and, oh wait! She's not alone in doing some meaningful things with her phone (Hello Jane, Hello Emily). This is just a pleasant song, honey.
3. En Vogue — My Lovin
OBVIOUSLY this song made the list. When you snipe "Not this time" to the runners at your side, get your ass moving faster to beat your personal record.
4. Kelis — Milkshake
People watch you while you're running. You don't have to be one of those sportsbra-and-spandex types to get some head-turns: running is biologically sexy, and it's hot to be healthy. Since errybody looking, might as well crank that Kelis and work your milkshake.
5. Peaches — Boys Wanna Be Her
Who are you when you're running? Chica, you are neither male nor female. You are an unstoppable beast, robot and celestial body entwined. Hell yes, the boys want to be you. Everyone wants to be you. Run to this song.
6. Robyn — Fembot
Personal Fav! Beats to make you sweat, dynamo Robyn playing BFF in your headphones, and dorky-sweet lyrical features like:
"Initiating slut mode"
"I've got a calculator in my pocket; got you all in check"
The word 'binary' more than I've ever heard in a pop track
"Automatic Booty Applications" -- I'm upset I didn't know that phrase before.
"Konichiwa Bitches" wins Honorable Mention.
7. Ke$ha — Backstabber
Guilty. I love her. GET OFF IT. The hook in Backstabber is literally mean, accusatory and youthful. It pisses me off a little when I hear it but it makes me run faster.
8. Salt-n-Pepa — None of Your Business
This is not a song. It's a philosophy. And a lifestyle. I recommend it.
9. Lady Gaga — Electric Chapel
Is this not the soundtrack to a future Rocky movie? The beat behind each verse pumps so hard, I want to lift chains in a musty Russian barn and run behind a Mercedes. And I think I feel a nice Tron/Daft Punk sample, even though this song is more of an homage to Billy Idol's "White Wedding." It is a good one, but take your pick of the other Gaga songs; I will respect your preferences.
10. Kreayshawn — Gucci Gucci
I like things from second-string towns, like Baltimore, Jersey City, and Oakland. Gucci Gucci gives me sarcasm, ovary jokes and a deep, bouncy west-coast beat. Into her eye-liner, into her sidekick, Little Debbie, into her quasi-hipster vibes. There's nothing wrong with being young and boastful. Guys rap with her attitude all the time without raising an eyebrow. WHAT
So that's my list. YOU'RE WELCOME.
PS -- The Short Shorts
I'd heard good things about running shorts with the underwear built-in, but it wasn't until I tried it this evening that I became a believer. Yes, I was wearing my own underwear, and yes, these shorts provided a backup. Are they for true marathoners who'll pop a squat mid-race? Are they for people who haven't done laundry lately?! Are they for people like me who stuff their headphone cords down the seam of their pants and hope that no one will notice but now they won't notice because there's an underwear-layer between my underwear and my shorts? Yes. Yes three times.
You can Get In Dem Shorts at The Gap.
Alright, so if I missed your fave, or you have another workout motivator (podcast, anyone?), do us all a favor and write a clever comment about it.