Insta-Zen: A Quick and Dirty Guide to Instagram Jealousy

Please. Let's not make brunch snarking a thing.

May 8, 2012 at 8:35pm | Leave a comment

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You're at home, thumbing through your phone, playing random games of Draw Something.

Maybe you have work you should be doing, maybe you don't have plans and just decided to stay in for the night. Whatever you do, do not open Instagram.

Opening Instagram on an evening that you've decided to stay home, either by choice or by a lack of things to do, will do nothing but invoke an emotion I like to call "Instajealous."

You know it's stupid, you know no one's trying to exclude you because we're all grownups, and yet, you can't help but feel left out when you are looking at real-time photos of your friends having fun and eating snacks without you. It was one thing to read tweets of people describing their exciting lives, but pictures are worth not only a thousand words, but also a thousand points of self-esteem.
 
So without further ado, here are a few dos and don'ts to dealing with Instajealousy.
 
Don'ts

-Do not make a snarky comment on your friend's Instagram saying something to the tune of "Looks like fun -- wish someone had invited me." It smacks of passive-aggression, and even if people do invite you based on commenting, you'll think it's because you forced them into it.

-Do not start doubting everything in your social life. Not being including on a fun outing doesn't mean people hate you, it just means that for whatever reason, you weren't around when plans were being made. There's no need to make it any bigger than that.

-Don't assume it's as fun as it looks. Photos always make things look more fun.

-Don't get mad about brunch. People love brunch.
 
Do

-If you want to go out and have fun, do text the people you're Instastalking and say something like "You guys are having a blast? Can I come?"

-Do take a fun Instagram of yourself, pretending to party with your good friends Green Giant, Aunt Jemima, and your cat Bagel.

-If you're feeling extra saucy, do Instagram a photo of yourself requesting that the party come to you.
 
In this modern world, a girl has to ask for the things she wants, or, if she'd rather stay home and wallow in her at-homeness, put down the Instagram and have fun without any corroborating evidence.