Your Internet Hookup Advice, Please

I swear, it's for my friend Janice.

Oct 7, 2011 at 1:00pm | Leave a comment

OK, her name's not really Janice.

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But that's who she kind of reminds me of. Not in an obvious or physical way. She is just a wonderful and Muppety person I know from way back, and she messaged me asking for advice. 

I recall that you found your ex through a hook-up site. I signed up on a local one and have a full inbox but only a handful of potentials. Do you have any advice? My goal is to avoid being raped, diseased, or turned in to a lampshade. 

So that's the scope of the project.

She's entirely new at this thing. Me, I've only done it once. By which I mean that I once established a singular profile through which I met a singular person in person, and we were together for three years. And that's it. I'm not exactly a wealth of information about various circumstances. 

I did have some advice from my perspective. But I also asked Janice if I could share her query with a larger and I'm guessing more experienced set of readers. 

Sure, sure, mention away.

Also, I'm guessing we can all learn from each other. I might also be academically curious.

What I told her was this:

So I did OkCupid because I liked the quizzes and the algorithms and I wanted to skew toward nerdy politically liberal guys instead of toward shorts-and-a-belt guys. And I have that sysadmin fetish. Plus my own interests align with the nerd axis. (Magic: the Gathering is not a problem, just saying.) And it was free. I didn't try anything else.

I pretty much immediately had to avoid a couple of pushy people with a single-mom thing. Oh, and libertarians. 

For disease prevention, the female condom is apparently tops for preventing HPV. Deploy it before Mr. Wonderful tries to do anything cute.

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Use a water-based lubricant on the inside of it. That's all I know. 

On top of all that shit, I'm totally getting Essure.

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The standard safety advice is to go someplace public, like for coffee. Meet there; make your own travel arrangements to and fro. Tell somebody where you're going to be. You could arrange for someone else to be there, secretly observing. I'd wear shoes you can run away in because that's my approach to life. I mean, what if you run into a bear? You're probably not going to run into a bear. 

What else does she need to know?