YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: My Husband Wants To Bank Sperm Prior To Vasectomy In Case We Divorce

I am really upset about how this is playing out, particularly my husband's insistence that this is all no big deal.

Feb 5, 2014 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

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So I am tired of being responsible for birth control. My husband can't maintain an erection in a condom and I have serious sensitivities to the multitudes of birth control options I've tried since I was 19 (I'm 37 now). Due to having one great child and issues with mental illness myself, I'm all for having no further children. My husband says he agrees, so I pointed out that a vasectomy would make sense, as we are now using solely withdrawal, and the potential pregnancy thing adds to my anxiety. So first, my husband said he didn't want to have a vasectomy because of an emotional issue with 'shooting blanks.' He talked me into an agreement of strictly non P in V sex--but three times this agreement fell apart (I protested prior to insertion and reminded him of our agreement, but when I eventually relented aka was coerced into unprotected sex, he said it was at least half my fault that it occurred.) So back to me pushing him to get a vasectomy. He wants to store sperm--at a cost of several thousand dollars--in case we divorce, because he really wants more biological children, although he insists not with me, owing to my struggle with mental illness and the presence of our wonderful son already. So do I say, ok, I'll essentially do a favor for your potential future biological baby mama, go ahead and freeze that sperm, which is his condition for getting a vasectomy...? We have been together going on nearly 20 years and are both 37. Our son is five. And I am really upset about how this is playing out, particularly my husband's insistence that this is all no big deal--and also, that as long as I'm 'happy,' he wouldn't be thinking of divorcing anyway... Desperately in need of some thoughts and insight.. 

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