YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: My Boyfriend Will Not Move Out Of His Mom's House

Is it completely wrong to give him an ultimatum?
xoJane Advice Column
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Is it completely wrong to give him an ultimatum?

My boyfriend and I have been together for one and a bit years, he is 24 almost 25 and I am 27. In the time we have been together I have moved around a lot and our relationship was long distance for a while when I lived in a town 2 hours away to study. For the last six months, while I was studying, he has been saying that he would like to live with me when I moved back to the city. When the time came and I was moving back he said we should give it four months before we move in together to see how things are.

That's when it started occurring to me that he has no intention of moving out of home and the fact that I lived far away was an incredibly convenient excuse for him to say 'oh I'm planning to move out of home, I'm just waiting for you'.

I'm not particularly upset that we're not living together, because I do like my space but I am upset that he is about to turn 25 and still lives with his mum and it is not for financial reasons, he could comfortably afford to move out of home. He is not a boomerang child either, he has never moved out and presumably his room is exactly the same as it was when he was a teenager. On top of that his mum does all the dishes, cleaning up, washes and irons his clothes I even saw her come into his room and clear out his bin. He has to ask to have friends over and one time when we were having quiet sex his mum knocked on the door and started talking to us through the wall. Basically he is still treated like a kid and does not pay rent, he does save $200 a week but frequently blows his savings on random crap so it's not a case of saving up for a house. He does have a fairly mild case of aspergers but it is starting to feel like his excuse for everything!

What I want to know is how long do I stay with him before enough is enough, I have been encouraging him to go flatting and he keeps saying he will but I have seen no evidence of packing or shifting at all. Is it completely wrong to give him an ultimatum?

I will admit I frequently give him a hard time for living at home, just recently I made a joke of looking for his umbilical cord so I could cut it, in front of him and his mum... it did not go over well with his mum. Plus I 'accidentally' told some of our friends that he was still living at home and they all started giving him a hard time but I feel like he should be getting a hard time and maybe some public shame will help encourage him to make the shift. As well as this I have been talking up the good points of moving out, being able to have kinky parties, loud sex, cook food after 10pm, anything I can think of to encourage him to cut the apron strings.

How can she help her man get out his moms house? Or at least make him want to? Let her know in the comments below!

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