If You're Not Jealous, Is It Because You're Not Really In Love?

Couples caught up in the passionate throes of jealousy make me wonder if their love is more real than any I’ve ever had, or ever will.

Dec 18, 2012 at 3:30pm | Leave a comment

I‘m not a "jealous person." I believe jealousy is a seed you must actively ensure is not watered, lest it grow into a tree that will cast a shadow over your coupling, withering everything that was once good in its shade of bad feeling.

I suppose it’s no unrelated point that in relationship behaviour politics, I’m left-of-centre. I believe extracurricular flirting within reason is healthy (I’d go so far as to say it nourishes the soul) and I love seeing a boyfriend make another woman laugh at a party. So my apathy is fairly natural but also, as my jealousy-as-a-seed metaphor demonstrates, something I purposefully discourage.  

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I take The City of Love very seriously. 

In my last relationship (five-and-a-half years), jealousy didn’t play a part -- from the outset I made it clear I wouldn’t entertain it. Four months in, when he made a semi-provocative comment about a male friend of mine. I reacted swiftly and strongly to what I perceived to be the potential start and growth of an unhealthy standard.

He wasn’t particularly jealous, anyway (compared with other men I know), but I didn’t give him a chance to work on it. To me, because we were in love and committed, it was a wasted emotion. I also knew I don’t "get jealous," so I wanted to avoid ever having to deal with it coming one-sided at me. Hence my lecture that jealousy is just insecurity on the doubter’s part and should be dealt with accordingly, rather than projected onto the other party.

I’m aware I speak with the assurance of someone who has never experienced a heart broken by cheating (this is something I feel both grateful for and at the mercy of, but that’s another piece).

This article originally appeared on xoJane.co.uk. Read the rest here!

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