Are You a Slutty Prude or a Prudish Slut?

As you know, I am a slutty slut. But here's two new categories.

Jan 9, 2012 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

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I am one of those people who has a tendency to turn any conversation sexual within approximately 20 seconds. Blessing or curse, it's another of the many ways that I am essentially the sassy best friend character from any romantic comedy. I should be played by Judy Greer.

So when a group of women gathered together recently for the purpose of inhaling potato products and catching up, I got my end of the table talking rimjobs before the salads came. Since this group of women included other sexy-type people like Rachel Kramer Bussell and Anna David, however, I actually learned something! I haven't learned something new about sex since the summer "figging" took off, so I felt this was notable enough to share.

So here are two new terms, which sound nosensical at first, but are totally legit once explained. Also, I totally turn into some kind of weird chick list copywriter for the duration of this post, I don't know why.

1. Prudish Slut

Invented By: Beth Griffenhagen, author of "Haiku for the Single Girl"

Definition: A woman who basic has sex with a lot of people. The prudish slut is totally DTF at the drop of a hat, but she's not interested in trying wild or adventurous things with just anyone. Basically, missionary all oer town.

2. Slutty Prude

Invented By: Anna David, author of "Falling for Me"

Defintion: Sort of the inverse of the Prudish Slut, the slutty prude hardly ever has sex, but when she does she'll do pretty much anything. She gets FREAKY, but rarely.

Immediately after this conversation happened, like three people tried to call dibs on writing about it, but I ultimately won, essentially by remembering the difference between the two things the next day.

Does this make sense to you as a slut classification system? (I'm not sure why we need one, but it's fun.) Of course, it follows that there would also be Prudish Prudes and Slutty Sluts. Obviously I'm the latter. You?