Somer Sherwood - xoJane

What The Parenting Books Don't Tell You: Three-Year-Olds Are Jerks

Somer Sherwood — Wed, 15 May 2013 14:00:00 -0400

Three year olds don’t mean to be assholes; they just are.

Do I Really Have to Plan My Own Mother's Day?

Somer Sherwood — Wed, 08 May 2013 13:00:00 -0400

I recognize that it’s ridiculous of me to demand that something be planned in my honor, while at the same time insisting that I shouldn’t be the one to plan it.

A New Survey Finds That Most People Believe Boys Are Easier To Parent Than Girls, But I'm Dubious

Somer Sherwood — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 09:00:00 -0400

Those quiet three-year-old girls playing nicely with their blocks? They're going to be horrible to their moms in about 10 years.

I'm Growing Out My Pixie Cut And Now I Have 1990s Mom Hair

Somer Sherwood — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 14:30:00 -0400

I am but a few chunky highlights away from shopping at my local Talbots.

This Substance Might Help Me Break My Addiction to Sugar AND Give Me Glowing Skin

Somer Sherwood — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:00:00 -0400

I am coming to terms with the fact that I may, in fact, have A Problem when it comes to sugar.

Fergie Let Strangers Touch Her Baby Bump But I Almost Knifed One Old Lady Who Did The Same To Me

Somer Sherwood — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 11:30:00 -0400

Gods of writing and all that is decent, this is the only time I will ever use the term "baby bump."

Mommy Speaks About Herself In The Third Person, And Other Stuff That Probably Annoys Everyone

Somer Sherwood — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 10:00:00 -0400

We are all super annoying to each other, now that we always know what everyone else is doing and thinking, at all times.

What The Parenting Books Don't Tell You: 3 Things To Do Before The Baby Is Born

Somer Sherwood — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:30:00 -0400

Seriously, why does no one tell you this stuff?

What the Parenting Books Don't Tell You: It's OK to Feel Ambivalent About Your Kid

Somer Sherwood — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 15:00:00 -0400

When my son was a baby, I often imagined what my life would be like if I had NOT had a child -- and yes, sometimes I wished that I hadn’t.

Do Other Moms Ever Do Anything Fun?

Somer Sherwood — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 11:30:00 -0400

Ask me how many movies I've seen since my kid was born.

So What If I Have The Nose Hair Of An 80-Year-Old Man?

Somer Sherwood — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 11:00:00 -0400

Every time I trim my nose hair, I get a cold. So I'm not going to do that anymore. Related: what lipstick shade do you think works best with extraordinarily long facial hair?

So It Turns Out I Don't Want to Work From Home After All

Somer Sherwood — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:30:00 -0400

But I really do miss being able to fart whenever I feel like it.

Decorate Your Place With Plants Without Killing Your Pet

Somer Sherwood — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 10:30:00 -0400

Plants that won't hurt your pet -- for maximum drama and minimal poison.

When That Nasty Stomach Bug Invades Your Home: A Germaphobe's Guide

Somer Sherwood — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 14:00:00 -0500

I peed in my backyard at 3:00 a.m. in order to avoid the bathroom while my boyfriend was sick.

Today in Wacky Hippie Sh!t: I Time-Traveled to 2005 and Hugged Myself

Somer Sherwood — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 14:30:00 -0500

I used hypnosis to clear all the guilt and anger I felt about my childbirth experience, and it worked. Plus, I hugged myself and cried a lot.

Could You Date Someone With Terrible Fashion Sense?

Somer Sherwood — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 12:00:00 -0500

Because we met at work, I had no idea what atrocities were waiting in my boyfriend's casual wardrobe. Think "your dad on vacation in Florida in 1989."

Could You Get Into a Long-Distance Marriage?

Somer Sherwood — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 17:00:00 -0500

I always envied my ex-mother-in-law, who has what I consider to be the perfect cohabitation arrangement with her boyfriend of 20+ years. He lives in the upstairs apartment, and she lives downstairs.

My Son's Dad Is A Better Mom Than I Am

Somer Sherwood — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:00:00 -0500

Seth even makes playdates with the other moms -- something I am really, really bad at doing because I’m sort of socially awkward and assume that no one wants to hang out with me.

Welcome To Your Drug-Free Hippie Birth With Hypnosis

Somer Sherwood — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:00:00 -0500

I wholeheartedly recommend hypnosis for childbirth (and migraines, and stress, and dental work, for that matter).

Breaking All The Rules: Stuff I Thought I'd Never Do As A Parent (That I Totally Do)

Somer Sherwood — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 15:00:00 -0500

Before I became a parent, I admit I thought plunking a small child down in front of the TV seemed kind of mean. And after: sometimes I thank the universe for children’s programming on PBS.