YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: My Long-Distance Boyfriend Won't Masturbate

Should I just leave it alone and just keep it moving?
xoJane Advice Column
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Should I just leave it alone and just keep it moving?


My boyfriend of 6 months just admitted that he doesn't masturbate and I'm not sure how to take it. He's in Rwanda on an internship and most of our communication is being done through Skype; I thought something was odd when the most I could get out of him during a sexy chat session was "I had a dirty dream about you". He initially said he doesn't masturbate because "he's not gay", but after writing lengthy messages detailing why there isn't anything gay about masturbation or about being gay, calling him out on his ignorance and much discussion, he finally admitted he can't because of guilt and shame. At first I thought he was lying, but after thinking over our past experiences I realized there were signs I ignored, like him only calling our genitals by their clinical names, never really touching himself during foreplay, and the sex feeling very "proper". Just to provide some background info, he's Nigerian (born and raised), 33 years old, and from a Christian background, but I'm Haitian (born & raised), a former devout Catholic, and my culture isn't open about sex either, but I'm still not that close-minded. I guess if he'd said he didn't do it because he didn't like it I would've not cared, but the religious factor and the homophobia bother the heck out of me. What should I do? Should we discuss it when he gets back? Should I just leave it alone and just keep it moving? Is there reason to worry, or am I just being paranoid? Help!