YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: My Boyfriend's Best Friend Is Toxic

What should I do? Should I just leave it?

Aug 22, 2013 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

image

 

My boyfriend has a best friend named Tom. I don't want to go all control-freak on who my boyfriend hangs out with, but I personally do not like Tom because he is kind of a toxic person. I have seen Tom go out of his way to start fights between people in our friend group, stab them in the back, and spread rumors. Also, Tom is not the biggest fan of me, probably because he just generally hates all of his friends' girlfriends (on the basis that the guys spend more time hanging with their girls than Tom). Anyways, my issue is that my boyfriend sometimes talks about minor snags in our relationship to Tom, and this makes me uncomfortable. I'm OK with him venting--I do it with my own girlfriends--but I just wish it wasn't with Tom. I have a bad feeling Tom is telling all of our other friends our relationship issues and spreading rumors, since he's kind of catty like that. The problem is my boyfriend doesn't seem to see Tom as the toxic, drama-lord that he is. He just says "Tom is my best friend, I'm allowed to talk to him about stuff on my mind," or "Tom wouldn't say stuff like that about us," when I bring up my concerns. What should I do? Should I just leave it?
WE LOVE YOUR QUESTIONS, SEND US THEM, LIKE, NOW AT ADVICE@XOJANE.COM.