I'm in a real dilemma, as in I've asked EVERYONE I know what to do! My best friend and I recently graduated uni, and I moved up north to start a PhD, whilst he remained in our uni city and moved in with his girlfriend of three months (as he had no job, no parents to move home with and no way of paying rent).
Recently I invited him and our close friends up for a weekend and he assumed this invitation extended to his girlfriend, which it did not, as I don't live in a palace (jeez) and his girlfriend and I don't like each other (we are just two very different people). Also, she doesn't eat much and does not drink so won't enjoy what we had planned (eating and drinking), so I was surprised and a little pissed off when he announced that she would be coming too. I felt it to be rude and presumptuous. I decided it wasn't worth arguing with him over it, and thought maybe I had misremembered her, and maybe she was not, in fact, the worst person ever so agreed she could stay. I decided to make a real effort to get to know her better and like her more, so off I trotted to the shops to stock up on vegetarian food and alcohol-free drinks.
When the weekend came she complained as soon as she arrived and was rude to my friends and myself. She told me to quiet down in my own home and argued with me that she could use a racial slur (oh no honey, you can't) and was really controlling over my friend's behaviour, especially when it came to food. I've always called her out on her problematic behaviour, so the dislike must be mutual, so I don't understand why she would want to hang out with a group of people who dislike her. I understand that you want your significant other's friends to like you, but I would never force myself on my partner's friends -- I have friends of my own!
Which leads me to my problem: We are planning another weekend at mine, but I don't want my friend to bring his girlfriend. It's pretty obvious I can't just not actively invite her as that's what I did last time and she still came, so I will actually have to say to my friend that she is not invited. BUT HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THAT YOU HATE THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I'm also really concerned over her controlling behaviour and don't want to push him away from our friends. It would be so much easier if I could just say, "Look buddy, I love you but your girlfriend is a troll so let's all stop pretending to like each other and get on with our lives," but you can't really do that.
Sorry this was really long. I'm just at a loss on what to do, and you xoJaners are really smart.
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