YOU ARE THE ADVICE COLUMNIST: How Do I Let My Extrovert Roommate Know That I Don't Want To Hang Out?

I really don't have an interest in spending ample time with her friends anyway- I'm busy and have my own social group to juggle already.

Oct 15, 2013 at 6:30pm | Leave a comment

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I am a pretty introverted person who over the years has learned to socialize more gracefully and frequently, but I still have moments of mental panic and regret before parties outside of my immediate social circle. Once I'm in a comfortable environment, I really turn on the humor and charm, so my introversion isn't so apparent. You can be sure I always still prefer to be alone, though, when I need to recharge. 
My new-ish roommate of several months is a really nice person, albeit a bit ditzy and loud, but I live with her and am comfortable with her- so she sees the less awkward side of me when I'm cozy at home. However, she had a couple of equally loud and chatty friends over the other night, and while I usually wouldn't mind forcing small talk and then staying in my room, I actually left the house for a period because I was feeling uncomfortable and pressured to accept their very kind invitation to socialize with them- and I really, really didn't want to, because 1) I'm introverted and 2) my long distance partner was being particularly dickish that evening, and I was feeling down and withdrawn. Anyway, my roommate seemed annoyed and offended that I hadn't spent much time with all of them, and pointed out that I must not actually be introverted because I do go out with my friends, so why didn't I make an effort with hers? This is not the way an introverted person functions, and I tried to explain that, but ended up mostly blaming it on my partner's bad behavior. How do I keep from offending my roommate in the future? I really don't have an interest in spending ample time with her friends anyway- I'm busy and have my own social group to juggle already.

How would you approach this chatty roommate and her pushy friends? Let her know in the comments!

 

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