Here are a few of my sample dreams lately:
1. My dream last night: I was in Stephen Colbert's home, and he had a very jocular relationship with his maid. I kept trying to get him to give me a joke I might be able to use (this is something that I used to do at The Post for a special April Fool's edition). He said he wouldn't be able to do this, but maybe he could contribute something else. I felt really uncomfortable and didn't want to sit down. Then I said, "Sorry, I just never want to come across as Masha in 'King of Comedy.'" Then I met this self-effacing cute guy of my dreams, and we ended up on a boat.
Of course, I did watch Colbert before bed, and earlier this week I went to a screening of "King of Comedy" with Sandra Bernhard (who I'm trying to convince to write for the site) and Taylor Negron, so that part makes a little sense.
And if you've never seen "King of Comedy" watch this amazing clip of Bernhard as Masha terrorizing Jerry Lewis who plays a late-night host who's been abducted by Sandra and Robert De Niro playing Rupert Pupkin as an aspiring comedian. Actually, stop what you're doing and go watch the movie. Yep. Do that.
2. The night before: I dreamed that I tried to get a job and had gotten "91 percent" on some standardized test. Rush Limbaugh went on a campaign against me saying I was a dumb blonde and shouldn't work anywhere. I just remember I kept harping on the 91 percent thing. And Rush was really mean.
3. The night before the night before: Lindsay Lohan and I were hitting on the same guy, and I eventually ended up going on a boat ride with the man in question. (A LOT of boats in my dreams.) Also, he had a suitcase.
What are your dreams lately? Are they as cray as mine? Do you think I should go on a boat?
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