Take Your Seat on This Tilt-a-Whirl of an Open Thread and Try Not to Throw Up

Word vomit is encouraged, though.
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
541
Word vomit is encouraged, though.

Jane — and Charlotte, who just turned 14 (happy birthday, Char!) — is feeling rather under-the-weather today, so this Open Thread is coming from the staff hive mind. 

This picture of Sable, Marci and Caitlin was taken in Brooklyn. Dan and Jane don't do Brooklyn.

This picture of Sable, Marci and Caitlin was taken in Brooklyn. Dan and Jane don't do Brooklyn.

Jane did manage to get through the entire staff meeting before excusing herself to go feel awful at home, but not before running into Santa, who had come to lift Time Inc employees' spirits and whatnot. Or perhaps it was something more sinister...

"I was leaving because of my cold (having thoroughly infected everyone on all five floors of Time Inc) when I ran into Santa, who (inadvertently?) grabbed my boob," Jane reports.

"Just post-boob-grab."

"Just post-boob-grab."

Santa actually stuck around on the floor we're on for well over an hour, taking pictures with and hugging people, some of whom were just trying to get to the coffee machine. And while she managed to avoid inappropriate touching incidents, Marci was not having it.

Well, he probably has Jane's cold now, so consider that payback.

Dan has been on a rhinoviral rollercoaster for a while now, too. 

"Right after Thanksgiving, I had a vacation planned with mom. Finally, I was allowing myself a break — five full days in Mexico," Dan explains, "The night before we were meant to leave, I got a pretty nasty cold that has lasted TWO weeks at this point. When I went to the doctor the other day, out of fear that I was dying Satine's glamorous death of consumption in Moulin Rouge because (and yes, TMI) I had started seeing blood in my mucus, the doctor told me that no one gets consumption (AKA tuberculosis) anymore... unless you're really old or HIV+. I looked at her puzzled. Are those not people too, I thought? But all I could muster up to say was, 'I guess some people still do die of consumption then.'"

But wait! There's more! "She sent me home with a Z pack and told me to switch my two-a-day DayQuils to Mucinex D just in case. So I go to get my prescription filled and ask for the Mucinex D, which is kept hidden at the pharmacy because you can apparently cook meth with it. In fact, the U.S. government is so concerned with you not cooking meth with it that you need to give them your state-issued ID so that they can run it through their 'meth check' server. Well, I bet you can guess how often a government server is up and running, because I did not leave Rite Aid with any Mucinex D. So, for anyone who has ever tried it, is this magical Mucinex D really worth a second trip to the pharmacy (in 40 degree temps) for?" 

As for Sable, skincare brand Skyn Iceland sent her cupcakes, one of which HAD HER FACE ON IT.

"Uh... are they trolling me about my roots?"

"Uh... are they trolling me about my roots?"

Marci found a 1953 edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, which, as you might imagine, reads ridiculously in 2016. For example, in the funeral etiquette section, Post informs us, "Everything is done to avoid unnecessary evidence of the change that has taken place. In many instances, the person who has died is left lying in bed or on a sofa in a negligée."

Marci would like to take this opportunity to publicly request that her own future funeral does not involve her corpse sprawled across a couch in her underwear.

As for Caitlin, she is "super pumped to announce that I'll be joining the New York Abortion Access Fund Board of Directors in 2017 as their social media manager!" Don't worry, it's a volunteer position — she's not leaving XO. She is less pumped to announce that she "went to a Cuba-themed bar where everyone wore little straw fedoras because CUBA and it was basically Medieval Times for financial district people."

So that's pretty much everything from us, which means it's your turn to take over the comments of this Open Thread with your own updates, big and small. Got a new job? Talk about it! Lost your job? Talk about it! You'll get lots of support from this community either way. Have an especially embarrassing moment? Virtual hugs await. Get engaged? People will be practically high-fiving their monitors.

And if you can't think of anything to talk about, maybe these questions will get your fingers typing:

Discover any great music on Spotify lately?

Do you wear a robe after you shower, or do you wrap yourself in a towel?

What is your favorite "bad" smell?

Do you know the secrets behind any magic tricks?

And of course, just a "hi" or greeting in whatever language you're most comfortable using is fine, just as long as you make your presence known. Don't worry for one second that you aren't welcome or don't belong, because you are and you do.

P.S. Even though Jane is sick, if you write some really juicy comments, that's sure to lure her out of her cold haze and reply to you.

P.P.S. No duh, which sounds like "doh duh" when I say it right now, but means that of course I will be all over the comments with you, cold or no cold, whether you like it or not. And a big thank you to the staff for doing this. I love them — and you — so much. Now let's help each other out below. - Jane