This week, we finally were almost all in the office together for our weekly staff meeting after who knows how long. It was my first in-person staff meeting with our new Deputy Editor (who you will meet at some point soon if you're interested). Also attending: both of our interns, JoVona and Alex, and Marci and Dan and the glowingly-newly-single Caitlin (I love the glow that people get right after a breakup, just full of fresh possibility and freedom and reclaimed power. Congratulations, gorgeous Caitlin!).
Amber was on vacation, so it wasn't a complete reunion, but her space at the table was filled by a Momofuku Milk Bar Funfetti cake (deftly produced by Marci when I mentioned that it was Dan's birthday the day before and also Alex's last staff meeting, as though she had planned the cake for both of those reasons; I think it was sent to her as a promotional item, but the love for Alex and Dan is of course there nonetheless).
I was excited about the cake and about the fact that we got to make a GIF for Snapchat (minus Amber) that managed to not show my two and a half missing teeth. (By the way, I was adamant with the dentist about not needing flippers to cover them up — flippers being a term that I've only ever heard referring to front-tooth-missing Toddlers and Tiaras contestants — thinking the missing teeth would make me look Fight Club badass, but instead I fear the look's more "little sad person who forgot their Fixodent").
Speaking of, I know that I have been at, heading to, or returning from the dentist for about 22 percent of this year’s Open Threads, but I’m mentioning my teeth again because I need your advice on how to quit my gum-chewing habit, which, according to the TMJ specialist guy I saw this week, is part of the cause for my jaw misalignment and therefore constant tooth breaking. I chew multiple packs a day (sometimes five), often fall asleep at night chewing it, and lately even sometimes chew it with paper on, which I blame entirely on Marci, because ever since she told me that her boyfriend eats Starbursts with the wrappers on, I decided to try chewing gum that way, and I ENJOY THE TEXTURE.
Have you ever fallen asleep with gum in your mouth and woken up with it stuck somewhere else? Is this a far-too-obvious segue into these random questions?
When was the last time you wore a name tag?
Have you ever plagiarized yourself or anyone else?
What's your least favorite "artisanal" trend?
Are you sick of hearing people “sending prayers,” or do you think it helps?
How many times do you reread an email before you send it?
Where was the last place you used a public bathroom? Have you ever squatted above the toilet seat in a private residence?
Have you ever been to a protest — political, social, or otherwise?
Will you watch the six new episodes of Making a Murderer when the show returns to Netflix?
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