So I'm watching TV last night ("My Diet Is Better Than Yours", yes — I also watch FOX News political coverage, because I like to know what messages are being put out there, though you can certainly tell me why you don't watch these shows below). One of the women on the show makes a reference that I have heard many many times, something like, "Every little girl dreams of her wedding day."
I feel like an alien when I hear this, because I never did and never have. I have also never considered having a husband, boyfriend, or any romantic partner, a factor in my self-worth.
Which is not to say that I haven't allowed a lot of other superficial societal expectations to affect my self-esteem. What I do for a living, for example. Starting right after college, before I knew that workaholism was an actual thing, I would hole myself up in my bedroom (while my roommate and all our friends would be in the other room having a laugh-fest of a Sunday brunch) hunched over stacks of papers editing editing editing Sassy magazine pages. It was my version of being off in a closet snorting heroin rather than living life, and it was isolating and sad in a way.
I was explaining a blessedly much shorter version of all of this to Lesley on the phone the other day. I realize that the way I experience a big staff change is like my version of dealing with a break-up. Thus, the three-day depression I went through last week while processing the fact that Lesley will no longer be on staff at xoJane after today.
She is still contributing daily as an editor and will probably get to write way more frequently here now that she doesn't have all the other crap that goes along with being a Deputy Ed to deal with. So that will be excellent. But our weekly XO staff meetings will certainly be different without her sweet face on the screen, her wisdom, of course, and her laugh, which really is the laugh of all time.
Not to say that I'm not extremely proud of her and excited about what she is doing next. (Oh, before I forget: Hugest lifelong thanks go to the one and only Christina Kelly — who, by the way, can attest to my crazy workaholism from the Sassy days onward — for introducing me to Lesley's blog before this site launched and recommending that Emily and I contact her about contributing here. Good call, my friend.)
And not to say that I'm not now extremely excited about new hires. Dan and I have been in a frenzy of interviews and resumes and clips. And as I meet Editor candidates, I feel somewhat like a matchmaker, envisioning whether they will be a good fit, not only with existing staff and contributors, but also with you. The moments when I meet a job candidate and fall in love with their work and their ideas and what they can bring to this place, and I envision you and us and them as one big happy blended family, I feel like maybe how someone who wants to get married and have kids feels when she meets "the one"? But I wouldn't really know.
What I do know is that I've rambled on for a while and owe you some random questions to answer if you'd like to and to ignore if you'd like to — whatever makes you feel good.
Are you at all surprised the #OscarsSoWhite (again)?
What's happening at work for you right now?
Do you care that mercury is in retrograde?
Did you watch the season finale of American Horror Story: Hotel and happy-cry like Amber did?
What about the GOP Debate — did you watch it?
Now that I look at them, these questions don't seem all that random, but that's okay because imperfection is part of life and nothing I say in Open Thread is the main thing. The main thing this page needs is you, your thoughts, your opinions, your questions, your advice, your randomness, and your gifs (naturally). Please tell me and each other anything at all.