9 Stories I Couldn't Get Anyone to Write About This Week, Including What It's Like to Date Your Father

Are you sleepy as a koi fish, or sick as a dog? Tell me what animal you're channeling this week, or just tell me that my writers were right not to write these 9 stories.
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January 17, 2015
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This week, a bunch of my writers and editors were sick ("as quiet as koi fish in the winter time," says Amber, whom I have been spending an inordinate amount of time with as she helps me finally write a speech I'm giving next week — and did you know pond fish do their own aquatic hibernation? I didn't).

Anyway, a batch of not-feeling-so-well writers made for an usually large number of stories they weren't up to writing about this week. And here they are:

Tweenage Dance Mom fanatics do not take kindly to a critical essay exploring their world. [Jezebel]

The Ebola outbreak has put a hold on female genital mutilation in Sierra Leone. [Jezebel]

Judd Apatow explains his Twitter campaign against Bill Cobsy. [Hello Giggles]

Feeling disappointed by the least diverse Academy Awards since '98? There's a hashtag for that. [Bustle]

Couples in GSA (Genetic Sexual Attraction) relationships speak out. [NYMAG]

Randall Park (a.k.a. The Interview's Kim Jong-un) isn't too tripped about the Sony Hack. [The Independent]

Judge Joanna Greenburg faces Twitter's wrath after ruling that student "groomed" her teacher in sexual abuse case. [BuzzFeed]

Internet-famous dads star in Nikon's latest ad. Cue the "awww's." [TIME]

Pope Francis responds to Charlie Hebdo massacre. [BuzzFeed]

Do you think we should have snapped these up? Tell me which of these missed opportunities was the most golden, or tell each other anything at all. The comment section is all for you. Happy Saturday.