You Are The Advice Columnist: How to Deal With Self-Doubt in First Lesbian Relationship?

I've started to have a lot of irrational thoughts, thinking that the fact that she likes penetration means that maybe she should be with a man and not with me.
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I've started to have a lot of irrational thoughts, thinking that the fact that she likes penetration means that maybe she should be with a man and not with me.
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I'm 21-year-old and have recently started my first relationship with another girl. I've had sex with one man which I found horribly painful and I've resisted any kind of penetration since (I've never worn tampons before either!). My girlfriend has slept with a few more people than me (both men and women) but she does enjoy penetration which I give her with my fingers when we have sex. 

However, recently, doing this has started to upset me. I've started to have a lot of irrational thoughts, thinking that the fact that she likes penetration means that maybe she should be with a man and not with me (I know this is stupid as she does love me but I can't seem to shake these thoughts and they've started to make me very upset) 

I think part of this fear may be tied into the fact that she gets a lot of male attention. Also tied into this is the fact that I wish I too could enjoy penetration to the same extent she does but I don't know how to go about it -- I've tried putting one finger in myself when I masturbate but I hate it and always end up crying. Does anyone have any advice for me? All my female friends are straight so I have no one to talk to about girl/girl relationships and sex problems.

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