I’ve had the same best friend for over 20 years, but for the past seven years, I’ve become increasingly worried about her.
She’s really been struggling since she graduated from college seven years ago, and I don’t know how to help her — or if I should even try. Almost daily she complains about her job (she’s in a job with expected layoffs in the near future), her weight, or the fact that she has never been on a date or been kissed. I’ve been listening to these complaints for so long, and she hasn’t done anything to make a change. She’ll ask me to review her résumé and help her search for jobs, I take significant time to do so, and then she says she doesn't feel like applying for jobs right now. Yet she'll ask me again a few weeks later. In addition, she’ll ask for help with her weight, but when I invite her to go on a walk or lift weights (something she used to enjoy), she comes up with some lame excuse as to why she can't exercise or eat healthy.
What worries me the most is her attitude toward men. She wavers between saying that relationships/kissing/etc. are gross and developing obsessions over men who aren’t interested in her, are of an inappropriate age, or are married. She won’t ever make a move on an eligible guy or go out of her comfort zone. My friends and I have tried taking her out and getting her to try online dating, but she refuses to take any suggestions, even though she is always asking for them.
Finally, she recently said she has such low self-esteem and lack of drive that she won’t ever make any changes. She refuses to talk to a therapist. What do I do? Do I just give up? We talk all the time and the things I listed above are the only things she ever talks about any more. I love her, but it’s very frustrating.
Do you have any advice for our reader? Let her know in the comments!
Send all of your questions to Advice@xoJane.com.