How Not To Be A Dick To Identical Twins

Being identical twins can be kind of hard for us sometimes, as I imagine it is for other twins, because of how some people act around us.

Nov 13, 2013 at 3:00pm | Leave a comment

Let me start this off by stating that Meredith and I love being twins. We enjoy having our special-yet-kind-of-creepy connection.  Both our similarities (Meredith and I are both share a love of dancing, coffee, and Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy), and our differences (She got sorted into Slytherin and I in Gryffindor when we took the sorting hat quiz) makes our relationship quite fun.  
 
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We also shared a love of Barney when we were four.

However, being identical twins can be kind of hard for us sometimes, as I imagine it is for other twins, because of how some people act around us. So I am here to provide for you a list of things that you are NOT supposed to do when dealing with any twins if you do not want them to think of you as a dick.
 
1. Parents, do not dress your twins alike.  
 
At least not all of the time (do it when you go to Disney, the characters will be ALL OVER THEM). Meredith and I were dressed alike pretty much constantly when we were younger. While it was fun sometimes, we generally did not like the same clothes, so one of us was pretty much always uncomfortable.
 
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Meredith, standing on top of the turtle, is clearly enjoying this outfit a lot more than I am.

 
2. Under no circumstances point out bodily differences between them as a way to tell them apart.  
 
Hair color and our glasses are ok differences to point out. The sizes of our noses, boobs, and/or butts are not OK differences to point out.  Meredith and I have had some experience with this.  
 
Picture this: Meredith and I are at school. We have been introduced to new boy by some of our guy friends. The boy asks how the other guys how they tell us apart. 
 
“Well you know,” one of the guys says and looks pointedly at our boobs.  “One of them is more robust.” Fun was not had by all.
 
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Here we are, for the first time with different hair color (Meredith is blonde, I am red).  Feel free to comment on this difference!

 
3. If you are dating an identical twin and the two of you break up, under no circumstances try to date the other twin.  
 
I dated one guy for three years and after I dumped him he cornered my twin sister and said “I think I picked the wrong twin.” He then went on to list all of my faults that she didn't have. This didn’t go well for him, and it really just upset both of us (although now we laugh about it really hard).
 
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I’m pretty sure this is what Meredith’s face looked like when said event happened.

 
4. Also, if you are dating an identical twin, do not tell them that you do not find their other twin hot.
 
Meredith and I never ask our boyfriends if they think that the other twin is hot, because we know they probably do. We look almost exactly alike.  
 
Do not randomly say, “You know, your twin is not very attractive” because we will 1. Not believe you and forever think of you as a liar, and 2. Get mad at you for insulting our twin.
 
If an identical twin you are dating asks you if you think the other twin is hot, then they are being rude, because this is not a fair question.
 
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Can you tell us apart?

 
5. Do not refer to twins as “the twins.”  
 
We are not one unit. We are two separate people, with two separate names. We would like you to use them. 
 
6. Do not buy them matching gifts.  
 
Obviously there are exceptions to this to this rule; we both loved it when our dad bought us each a Gameboy for Christmas when we were six. However, we are two separate people, and we generally like separate things. I wanted a Buzz Lightyear doll when Toy Story came out, Meredith insisted upon a Slinky Dog.  
 
Besides, if you get twins the same exact toy they will inevitably lose one of them and then fight over the remaining toy for the rest of their existence. Meredith and I spent years hiding this one particular Hot Wheels car from each other. I'm pretty sure she has it right now, and I am determined to get it back.        
 
7. Don’t try to set us up with other identical twins.  
 
I don’t even know how to explain why this is so creepy.  Unless, of course, you have twins that both happen to be Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. Then totally set us up.   
 
8. Don’t refer to us as a freak of nature (though I guess we are).
 
It’s offensive and we just don’t know how to respond to this. 
 
9. If you refer to one twin by the wrong name and they correct you, do not get offended and tell them that they are wrong, and then repeatedly ask them if they are sure that they are not in fact the twin you originally thought they were.  
 
We would like to think we know our own identities.
 
10. Do not interrupt a twin fight.  
 
Both twins will unite forces and turn against you. If you take one twin’s side that twin will get mad at you for turning against the other twin.
 
11. Similarly, do not talk bad about one twin to the other twin.  
 
We will hate you. Twins are very protective of each other, and while we may hate each other sometimes, we do not believe that anyone else should hate our twin.  A couple of years ago I had to break it off with my best friend, because she wouldn’t stop jealously pointing out Meredith’s flaws.  She was trying to make our friendship stronger than Meredith’s and my twin-connection, which just isn’t possible.     
 
What do you lovely readers think?  Do these tips make us identical twins seem unbelievably touchy? I hope not, and I hope that I haven’t made you afraid to approach twins. Because twins, in my experience, love talking about themselves, and telling others what being a twin means to them (at least Meredith and I sure do).