If You're Old Enough to Have A Girlfriend, You're Old Enough to Deal With Her Period

Man up and handle our monthly flow.

Aug 22, 2011 at 11:02am | Leave a comment

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The one phrase that truly drives me insane, more even than "no fat chicks" or "the kitchen is closed," is this gem: Never trust something that bleeds for 3 days and doesn't die.

Amongst a certain set of Oklahoma rednecks, this is as common a bumper sticker slogan as "No Jap Crap" or Calvin pissing all over the Chevy logo/a Darwin fish/an Arab person. Menstruation is just as scary as homos and people from other countries!

I can still remember freaking out teenage boys by throwing wrapped, unused tampons at them on the school bus, watching them scatter and scream from a freaking piece of plastic! It was hilarious.

But those were boys, and at some point, we expect them to become men. And there is seriously no reason for a grown-ass man to act freaked out or disgusted by the biological process of menstruation.

Do you think we want to be this way? Do you think we woke up one day and said, "Man, I wish I could bleed all over myself for a few days every month"? No, it just HAPPENED and we had to start tying hoodies around our waists and sitting out of gym class and it was terrible. If anyone should be horrified by the whole thing, it's us.

If we, the bleeders, can learn to handle the situation rationally, I really think you can, too.

Which brings us, of course, to period sex. I don't need a dude to want to put it in me while I'm bleeding, and in fact  I probably will not take him up on the offer. But I have found that men who are comfortable with the idea are generally the most mature, confident, sexy sex partners and all-around stellar people. Guys who are cool with period sex who may be reading this: You are champs and I salute you.

But wanting to jump in and splash around in there is not mandatory. Being able to maturely and soberly dicuss menstruation without cringing/cracking degrading jokes/using word like "Ew" is, as far as I'm concerned, a requirement for sexual eligibility in society.

So seriously, just man up and handle it. Pretend you're an EMT or in combat or something.

And go buy me a box of tampons. Super. No, make that Super Plus. And treat me as you would any other bleeding person -- with kindness.