Does Anyone Else Gag Down Water?

WATER IS SO BORING but read this anyway.

May 17, 2011 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

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OK, I'm exaggerating slightly, but whatever. Water is boring! I hate it. But obviously I need to drink it. I could be responsible and look up legitimate health benefits, but since the only thing more boring than water is reading about water on the Internet, I'll just leave that to you. We all know how to Google.

Personally, I only force myself to drink water because it makes me skinnier and clears up my acne. That said, I drink maybe four glasses a day. I buy the big Poland Spring jugs because my tap water tastes like death. Half the time I'm alternating sips of water with sips of coffee to cancel out the latter's dehydrating effects and to rinse the coffee off of my teeth, so it won't stain them as much. I drink a lot of coffee ... Ugh, see, I'm boring myself just talking about this! WATER IS SO BORING OH MY GOD.

Anyway.

The only place I've ever really liked to drink water is in the "tranquility room" or whatever at fancy day spas. This is because there are always like three different pitchers of flavored water -- cucumber, lemon, rosemary, whatever -- which sometimes I would mix together. And that was exciting for me.

So when I was a beauty editor at Conde Nast, which has a sick cafeteria, I used to fill a giant Styrofoam -- I know, I know, but it had to be Styrofoam because I was stealing food, you see -- cup with ice water and then merrily circle the salad bar plunking anything and everything into the mix.

It was different every day. Cucumber! Cantaloupe! Strawberries! A dash of unsweetened iced tea for taste! The odd orange slice! Why not?

And even though the cafeteria people caught on and I totally got bitched at, and even though my co-workers were increasingly grossed out by what I was bringing back upstairs -- ruby red grapefruit and tomato slices dissolving and floating around all weirdly will totally make someone who never talks about such things be all, "Dude, your water looks like abortion" when you show it off to them -- I was drinking more water than ever.

This is because it was finally interesting.Even when it was disgusting!

No, I never shut up about my water. It was my favorite hobby. I don't miss much about corporate life, but I miss that salad bar. I keep an English cucumber at home and slice it up in my water glass from time to time, but it isn't the same.

My other favorite thing to put in water are these anti-oxidant water boosters by Dr. Brandt -- a.k.a. dermatologist to Madonna -- which taste vaguely like iced tea and turn your water weird dark urine-y shades, so people on the subway will occasionally give you the side eye when they see you guzzling it with gusto out of a recycled Poland Spring bottle in the morning.

I don't know how much I believe in antioxidants, but I like thinking that my special water drops are making me that much glowier and more beautiful than everyone else. For $39 a bottle, they better. Jesus. I used to get them free. But one bottle lasts forever; you only need a few super-potent drops in each glass.

What are your drink-more-water secrets? TELL ME. I know you have them.

Posted in Healthy, water