I'll Try Anything Once: Breast Tattoos!

Here is how the thought process for today's article unfolded: I don't know what to write about. I could always write about boobs. But what about boobs?

Jan 30, 2012 at 2:00pm | Leave a comment

Luckily we were both wearing button-up dresses today.

Here is how the thought process for today's article unfolded: I don't know what to write about. I could always write about boobs. But what about boobs? Saggy boobs. I kind of love saggy boobs. But I don't have anything to say today. I think I have some of those boob tattoos. Maybe I should just put tattoos on my boobs. Yes. That's what I'll do. I want a cupcake.

Of course, two sets of boobs are better than one, so I enlisted Madeline to help me try out said boob tattoos, also known as tatatoos, temporary tats designed for the breasts with racy slogans like "Dangerous Curves" and "100% natural." And a few sweet ones -- my personal favorite is "Guess What? I'm Pregnant!"

They work like every temporary tattoos since the the beginning of time, which is by pressing them against clean dry skin and wetting the back with a paper towel. If you work at xoJane, you do this in the communal company bathroom while giggling uncontrollably. xoJane + HR = TruLuv4eva. (I would like to make that last sentence into a boob tattoo.)

 Not gonna lie: I sort of intended to make fun of these at first. I mean, they are sort of silly and purposeless, and the press materials suggesting I give my boyfriend a "birthday surprise" didn't seem entirely realistic. Pretty sure if I flashed my boyfriend a couple of temporary boob tattoos and told him it was his birthday present, he'd be sorely disappointed. Although, this year I got sick and ended up giving him the gift of "Twitter followers," so I'm not sure it could get much worse.

But at the end of that video above, you can hear the actual moment when I begin to LOVE tatatoos. Seriously, they look so good!

Mad did hers kind of lopsided.

Please note that I've been filming stuff for xoJane for over 6 months and I still haven't figured out how to correctly hold the iPhone to make the video come out right.

We really liked the kind of "wacky" font on this one.

image

I'd never actually get anything tattooed on my breasts, because I see no need to mar God's perfect canvas, but breast tattoos do seem to have some sort of mysterious allure in the male psyche. At least judging by the number of dudes who have stutteringly asked me, "So...do you have tattoos on your chest?" (From now on, the answer will be, "Yes, and they say 'Guess What? I'm Pregnant!'")

Anyway, the jury has conferred, and delivered the verdict of "FUN!" You can buy your own here for $9.95 and each pack comes with "Lucky You" and another slogan of your choice.

The tattoos are supposed to last 5-7 days, which at first I was kind of bummed about, but now I hope they last FOREVER. (Or at least until October, when I can spectacularly disappoint my boyfriend for his birthday.) Speaking of which, my boyfriend told me about a month ago that I only write about "boobs and things I do with my boobs." He was correct.

Madeline looks positively swarthy next to me.

MORE BOOBS if you follow @msemilymccombs on Twitter.