Six Indisputable Reasons Why Reading Makes You Sexy

A well-read person can can woo via Oscar Wilde, heat up the foreplay with Neruda, and then seal the deal with Anais Nin.

May 17, 2014 at 3:17pm | Leave a comment

“If you go home with someone and they don’t have any books, don’t fuck them.” I love this quote from John Waters, filmmaker and eccentric extraordinaire. It’s a call to action, a protest against the unread masses who couldn’t possibly be as good in bed as bibliophiles, because duh -- reading is just so damn sexy. Here are a few reasons why the more you read, the hotter you are.

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Marilyn reading "Ulysses."

1. Reading glasses are the best.
Back in the day, glasses may have been for nerds, but today nerds are cool and glasses are a fashion accessory. They draw attention to the wearer’s best features and make them look not only more attractive, but smarter. Something about glasses makes people command respect. People who don’t need them wear fake ones to appear more sophisticated. As you focus intently through the glimmer of your lenses on the hot person across the coffee counter, he just might be secretly fantasizing about what you'll look like when he pulls those glasses off you.

2. Readers make better conversationalists.
There's a quote attributed to Anonymous that could have been said by anyone: “Seduce my mind and you can have my body.” Knowledge is hot. And as Dr. Seuss says, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.” Being in an intense conversation with someone about something totally interesting -- especially ideas that are completely new to you -- is such a turn-on. Someone who can speak on any topic can entice any person into bed, no?

3. They can fulfill all your hottest librarian sex fantasies.
There's a reason for why the hot librarian fantasy is so popular! She’s smart and sexual. She reads by day and makes hot hot love by night. Words turn her on and she just needs someone to let loose with her -- not between the sheets but between the towering shelves of books that smell like a summer forest. She's a symbol of the good girl gone wild, the G-spot where smart and sexy meet.

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Too sexy for my book.

4. They can quote. Like, FROM LITERATURE.
A well-read person can use her literary knowledge to great advantage in the bedroom. They can woo via Oscar Wilde: “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” Heat up the foreplay with Neruda: “I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.” Then, they can go all the way with Anais Nin, “He was now in that state of fire that she loved. She wanted to be burnt.” And if things get really serious and you can’t find the right words, you can borrow from Nabokov: “It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.”

5. They're self-sufficient.
You don’t need a date when you have a book -- you can entertain yourself. More than entertain; you can stimulate. As author Alan Bennett says, “The best moments in reading are when you come across something -- a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things -- which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.” In this way, a book can be your beau. You can cuddle with a book and not worry about lame things like whether you have chocolate smeared across your face. Not to mention that sexy aloof vibe you’re putting off: the one that says, “Don’t bother me, I’m reading”? Men love that.

6. Duh they have better sex.
Research shows that reading literary fiction can improve our understanding of other people. It's also shown to boost a woman’s ability to communicate with her partner, have better sex, and have twice as many orgasms (whoa). So ... the more a woman reads, the more empathetic she gets, and the more empathetic she gets, the hotter her sex life gets. No need to say more; it’s SCIENCE.

So the next time you want to numb out with TV or perusing Pinterest, why not try curling up in a park with a good book? Find a fellow literary sort and engage in some sexy book banter. Visit your library, find a classic, let your legs dangle over the edge of the sofa with your eyes squinted in intensity! Then see what happens.

Why do YOU think reading is the hottest?

Posted in Fun, reading, books, sexy, fun, lit