People Have A Lot of Opinions About My Partly Shaved Head

I know most people have an attachment to their hair, but I’ve never felt that way myself. When I mentioned it to my hair stylist, she happily whipped out the hair buzzer.

Mar 29, 2014 at 9:00am | Leave a comment

For some reason, being a female with short hair -- and having all or some of that hair shaved -- is extremely polarizing. I have genuinely never given a shit about anyone else’s haircut. The only time I would speak up about someone else’s hair is if I loved it, or if a bird had recently pooped in it. 
 
I don’t think being a short-haired lady necessarily take guts; it takes a skilled hairdresser and a vague knowledge of your face shape. It also takes some degree of confidence, but I wouldn’t consider it a badge of honor in and of itself. While I get that most people have an attachment to their hair, I’ve just never felt that way myself.
 
So this past fall when I cut off roughly ten inches of hair, I didn’t think it was a big deal. After years of irreversible damage from bleaching and general abuse, all the coconut oil in the world wasn’t going to save that mess. I was totally over having hair.
 
But because I have a tendency to go overboard on just about everything in my life, just having short hair wasn’t good enough. It needed to be even shorter and whiter and weirder in general. Then I saw Justin Bieber’s most recent mugshot, and it was all over.
 
When I casually mentioned my Bieber hair lust to most people, I'd get a weird look and they'd change the subject. But when I mentioned it to my hairstylist, she happily Googled the Bieb and whipped out the hair buzzer.
 
The result was something between Tabatha Coffey and Robyn, and I was WAY into it.
 
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AERODYNAMIC!

 
But though I love my new hair and have received mostly compliments, I’ve heard a few comments that caught me off-guard...
 
"Guys don’t like short hair"
 
Firstly, NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. This is so full of NO, I don’t even know where to begin. Yes, some dudes do in fact prefer long hair. Some dudes also have a proclivity for collecting venomous scorpions. And that’s totally fine! But those dudes are not for everyone. That’s beside the point, anyway. The day I sacrifice something I love about my appearance for a dude, please kill me. It will NEVER happen. If a dude gets hung up on a haircut, NEXT! 
 
Men don’t care about that stuff anyway. A guy should be into you even if you were forced to bathe with makeup wipes and wash your hair with a bottle of cold, stagnant water because there was a water main break at the exact second you tried to shower after a six-mile run. They don’t notice shit! And it’s great. Needless to say, your haircut shouldn’t dictate your dating life. And believe it or not, some guys are REALLY into short-haired ladies. Trust me.
 
"You’ll regret it"
 
You know what’s funny about hair? It grows back! Pop some biotin into your regular vitamin cocktail and you’re solid. A haircut isn’t an irreversible decision. This is why I suck at sympathizing with anyone on the receiving end of a crappy haircut. Yeah, it happens. But it’s not the worst thing in the world. 
 
Not only that, insinuating that I’ll regret my haircut is just plain mean. So what if I’m drawing inspiration from a mostly washed-up child popstar’s mugshot? There is WAR and FAMINE happening out there, people. Not only that, but out of all the highly questionable decisions I’ve made in life, this is by far not the most devastating.
 
If I do wake up one morning and decide I’m over it, that’s OK. I’ll manage to grow it out without hurting anyone. But for now, I personally enjoy being as aerodynamic as possible.
 
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Mohawks can also be polarizing.

 
"It’s not feminine"
 
The fact that most people tie this into the first stupid comment re: dudes drives me insane. I didn’t shave my head because I was trying to stick it to the patriarchy. I’m not making a political statement. I’m not even depressed! If anything, it takes a lady with a pretty strong sense of femininity to make the chop. Haven’t you seen "Tank Girl"? A haircut, for me, is a purely aesthetic decision. I happen to think it not only looks cool, but extremely feminine to boot. 
 
Also: you don’t need hair to be a hot lady! Flowing locks are plenty hot, but they’re not a prerequisite. I could easily list off all the women throughout history who lacked hair, but you probably know them all already. It might not be what many consider traditionally attractive, but so what? I can’t even begin telling you how few shits I give about being traditionally attractive.
 
What inane comments have others made about your hair? Truthfully, I WISH someone would offer me $2,000 to shave it all! Hell, maybe I will anyway.