I swear, ya'll, I'm a pretty nice person.
I mean, I see the spiritual value in being nice to people and smiling at strangers and saying "hello" when it's appropriate and looking folks in the eye when they hand me things and just generally making sure that my presence on earth is more of a pleasant experience for other living things instead of the opposite. I like puppies and rainbows and cherry blossoms and shit. I like laughing. But you know what I also like? Not liking stuff.
I've got this friend we all call "Chief Keef" because she d'on't like nuttin'. It'd be funny if she wasn't so serious about it.
"Hey you want to go outside and enjoy this excellent 58-degree weather?" someone might say.
Then she'll go, "Pffft! I hate the crowds." Which makes the thinnest slice of sense but still. Sun? You don' like the sun because other people do too?
I'd like to think I'm not that bad, but earlier this week when I read this Fast Company article about a new iPhone app for Haters the first thought I had was, "Fuck yeah!"
"Admit it, sometimes merely not hitting 'like' on a Facebook status isn’t enough. Whether it’s an obnoxious luxury-based visual brag or an impossibly dull account of the day, some messages just strike a chord of annoyance that seems to merit a reaction -- an unambiguous sign of disapproval." Ain't that the triple truth, Ruth. Also ain't it sad? So very very sad?
The Hater app is "an Instagram-like image bank with the express purpose for venting about the things you vehemently dislike." I'm not even big on Instagram because of a allergy to selfies (except when xoJane makes me) and cheesy "I love hamburger" food shots, but my thumbs are itching to sign up to document random crap I don't like. Things I wish I could thumbs down in public without looking like a jackass.
Awhile back I wrote about my decision to stop hating people I don't know. It was an admirable undertaking that I continue to struggle with. You should see how far my eyes can roll into the back of my head over something as simple as a Tweet I find particularly saccharine. Make that a double when it comes to the Facebook statuses (stati?) of friends who I know for a fact aren't half as awesome as their avatars would suggest. But why does that bother me so much? I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also with the Hater app, you can pull images from other sites (i.e., Facebook and Twitter) and post anonymously about how annoying they are, like your very own virtual Burn Book.
Seems like a lot of work, no? And a lot of energy put into expressing your frustrations with silly stuff. But perhaps that's healthy? Because god knows how many feelings I've got bottled up due to polite silence that are threatening to explode out the business end. Or maybe that's just me trying to justify clawing up a slippery slope.
Either way I think I'll stay away from the Hater app (for now) if only to save myself the embarrassment of seeing something I wrote, wore or wanted on there.