I like the visual joke of this. From afar, you'd think the gal wearing this (who is hopefully gonna be me) is sporting one of those typical Carrie Bradshaw-style name necklaces. But nuh-uh. This lady be nasty!

"Crap" Sterling Silver Wire Word Necklace ($36) by Piano Bench Designs

Art! I love art as a gift. What could be girlier or sweeter than a freakin' doily? I love the tones in this watercolor print, and the butterly motif around the center. I would pop this into a simple raw wood frame and use it to prettify my sewing corner.

  Butterfly Doily print ($15) by Katie Daisy

I'd greatly enjoy using this tote to carry groceries home from the market -- along with all my guns, bombs, very large knives and loads of drugs.

Guns & Knives canvas tote ($10) by Lesley Hornbeck

I've been a fan of Susie Ghahremani's art for ages, and I'd love to send some of these sweet, wintry-yet-not-too-holiday-ish notecards out to my friends and family around New Years, since I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to do anything as far as Christmas cards are concerned. This is the first year I've just downright BLOWN IT in that area. OOPS! But a friendly (albeit belated) greeting written on one of these cards would probably do the trick.

Sweet Notes set of 10 cards ($12) - boygirlparty

There is almost nothing I enjoy more than the opportunity to be a complete know-it-all. These amazing cards would be so fun to carry in my purse, to be whipped out when I see yet another SUV parked diagonally across two "Compact" spaces while I circle the lot uselessly for 20 minutes in my little Mazda.

The flip side of the card gives you space to note exactly WHY the driver parked like a jerk: "You Shouldn't: _____, It's Illegal to: _____, It's Just Fucking Rude." If I had these I would be DRUNK WITH POWER! Citizen's Arrests for all!!

You Park Like a Jerk cards ($15), Montgomery Studios

I've mentioned before that I would love candy-colored hair -- but I've spent too long growing mine out to ruin it with toxic bleaching in order to get that super pretty pastel color. My long hair also occasionally makes me batty, and I long for the ease and cuteness of a bob. This wig is SO CUTE, and would satisfy both urges in one fell swoop. I REALLY WANT IT!

Sweet Cakes wig ($62), Miss Violet Lace

I realize that everybody on Twitter thinks that all the xoJane writers have addiction problems of some kind, but that is soooo not true. I swear my addiction is only to awesome ceramics -- not to Xanax. I'd use this little guy to hold teeny, easily-lost things like earplugs and buttons on my bedside table. And, okay, maybe a Xanax or two.

"Vice" canister ($28), Jonathan Adler

Do you love good art? I love good art, and I nearly peed myself when I saw this limited edition print my friend Esther posted on Facebook yesterday. I love it so much and would be thrilled to see it under my tree, then hanging on my wall! I adore Esther's folk art-style paintings, and the fact that the UFO in this is hand-glittered just pushes me over the edge that much more. The detail on this print looks great, too -- you can see every brushstroke of the original painting. Sigh.

"Visions of the Future" limited edition, signed and numbered print ($200 unframed, $325 matted and framed), Esther Pearl Watson

It may be winter, but the sun's still bright, and man if I don't need a new pair of sunnies. I dig the clunky yet chic look of these, which were named for legendary fashion editor Carrie Donovan. Plus, who doesn't look good in tortoiseshell?

Carrie Sunglasses ($14), Fred Flare

"F that S" is one of my all-purpose mottos in life. Did you run out of mustard? F that S! Co-worker getting on your very last nerve? F that S! Global economic meltdown got you down? F that S! There are just so many instances where we could all use a little reminder that sometimes, you just have to say F THAT S.

F that S letterpressed postcard ($3), RarRar Press