Have you seen the new Disney Villains beauty line? It sounds like a cute idea, right? Evil witches always have the best makeup. And clothes. And really the best attitude as well.
I was seriously down with it myself, until I saw what they did to my favorite Disney villain, glam-bitch extraordinaire Ursula from "The Little Mermaid." Now, I can recite most of this film from memory, and not because I watch it regularly as an adult. I know it intimately even in my 30s as a lingering reminder of how obsessed I was with it, as a wide-eyed 12-year-old, and I adored Ursula best of all, in part because she sort of reminded me of what Miss Piggy -- another of my early role models -- might be like if she were incredibly evil, and sea-dwelling.
If you're old like me, you might remember Ursula as looking something like this:
Or like this:
The new limited edition beauty line will be sold in Disney stores, and will also feature collectible dolls of each included lady-villain; the lineup includes Cruella De Vil, the Evil Queen, Maleficent, Mother Gothel, the Queen of Hearts, and of course Ursula. FOR SOME REASON, however, Ursula's been given a pretty dramatic makeover for these products. Behold:
WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT? WHERE ARE THE TENTACLES? WHERE ARE THE BAZOOMS? WHAT IS GOING ON? This is like telling Divine you want to do a beauty line based on her but could she please lose like 100 pounds first? It is totally missing the POINT. (Or, as Emily said of Ursula in an email on this subject, "She's fucking LIZ TAYLOR. Bitch is glam!")
I think this is terrible, but obviously I'm biased. Are you down with the Ursula redux? Do you think I'm overreacting? Do you want to be where the people are, do you want to see, want to see them dancinnnngggg?