Ask Me Anything: From Threeways to Networking to XO

I have wisdom. Some is high brow. Some is about blowjobs.

Aug 10, 2012 at 2:00pm | Leave a comment

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This is my sultry "ask me anything" look.


My standard first-date questions to get to know someone are always the same:

1. What are your Top 5 favorite movies?

2. What drugs have you done?

3. Have you ever hired a prostitute?

My answer key: 1. "The Graduate," "Annie Hall," "Heathers," "When Harry Met Sally," "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." 2. Marijuana, cocaine, acid. 3. Yes (but it was for work.)

Of course, I very much want to know YOUR ANSWERS to these questions. (And also, what are YOUR get-to-know you first-date questions? I can always use new ones.) But I want to bring us even closer together. So I've decided to have a thread where I just encourage you to ask me anything. Anything at all.

If I can't answer (because it's not my right to talk about -- yes I know you think, "Wait, Mandy, you talk about other people's shit all the time!" well sure, but with extreme empathy and curation) then I will just write, "I love you!" THAT WILL BE OUR CODE.

If the question is too mean (like: "Would you say you're more of a narcissistic shitty writer or a shitty writer who's a narcissist?") then my safe word is: HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO. Then you will know you have made me cry. Or wince. Or get another lollipop to suck on compulsively because I haven't been with a man in like 1900 years or something.

Anyway. I'll give you a few fun facts to get you started.

1. I have trouble thinking of healthy things when I masturbate to bring me to orgasm. For some reason, slutty big-titted party girl is really what does it every time. Or naughty secretary. That kind of deal. I mean, when I've REALLY worked at it before, I can imagine a nice guy holding me close while I wear a sensible day-and-night-functional pantsuit, as he purrs in my ear, "I love you, my most precious life partner," but that takes like 15 to 20 minutes longer and I don't really have that kind of time.

2. Lately I'm really into "Grey's Anatomy" reruns and want to be able to write classically structured sitcoms or drama that well.

3. I am a huge fan of praying and learning about saints and spirituality and last year even became a certified reiki master. I practice reiki every day. (It's also why the New York Giants won the Superbowl.)

4. Lately I'm really into dogs (especially my blind father's angel of a guide dog named Abram) and am dreaming of getting one when I move back to New York at the end of this month from San Diego.

5. I think a lot about what drives human behavior (and have done shit-tons of therapy). I also think a lot about comedy and what makes something funny. I think a lot about writing, too. I also think a lot about what makes things go viral or get a lot of heat in the media. I love helping people here, so if you have a question as to how to "brand" yourself or whatever now is a good time to ask.

6. I'm obsessed with "Breaking Bad."

7. I know some things about the TV business and deal making and how to do it and not do it.

8. I am pretty good at professional networking.

9. I've worked jobs as a speechwriter, fundraiser, grant writer, Internet consultant, babysitter, newspaper delivery girl and deep-dish-pizza waitress.

10. I learned how to give really great head after a devil's threeway with two cute trust-fund musician boys I seduced in a New York Chipotle one time. Their band later sent me a friend request on MySpace.

So there you go. You have a wide range. Doesn't need to be on the list. I'm here to be your answer bitch. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo!

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