Open Thread: What's The Weirdest Thing You've Said To Your Kid?

Since I became a mom, I’ve said a lot of stuff I never imagined I would say. This one was so stupid I will never live it down.

Apr 3, 2014 at 12:30pm | Leave a comment

Since I became a mom, I’ve said a lot of stuff I never imagined I would say. While I hesitate to say that I’ve turned into my mom, some of her sayings have certainly come out of my mouth. Stuff like, “You can’t have dessert if you don’t finish your vegetables,” and various things about Oliver keeping his room clean and washing his hands. 
 
Sometimes I’m speaking to my son and I wonder “Who said that?!” Like the night at dinner that I actually told him there are starving children in the world who would be grateful for all the food on his plate he refused to touch. As if that line has EVER worked to get a kid to eat his spinach. Cliché, thy name is Somer.
 
But that is nothing compared to the single weirdest thing I’ve ever said. We were at a backyard barbecue with some friends and their two kids. For some reason that I can't remember, there was a giant bouncy house set up in the yard, and the children were all flinging themselves gleefully into it. The kids, being kids, would run up to the table, grab a bit of food, and then run off to play in the bouncy house. On one occasion, Oliver ran over, grabbed a piece of string cheese, and took off running while taking a bite of it. 
 
That's when I yelled across the yard in my best mom voice for the entire neighborhood to hear:
 
“Don’t run with cheese!”
 
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I mean, what I really meant was to tell him it's not safe to eat while you're running because you can choke. But what I actually said was that running and cheese, specifically, do not mix. I will never live it down. Oliver's dad still gives me crap about this. Oliver doesn’t remember because he was too young, but every time we are at a party and he starts running or playing with food in his hand, I count to 10 before telling him not to eat and run, lest I say something else kind of stupid.
 
Now it’s your turn. What’s the weirdest or funniest thing you’ve ever said to your kid -- or that your own parents have ever said to you?
 
Somer is on Twitter: @somersherwood.