Beyonce Wins at Life and Your Hating Ass Wins The Seats -- ALL OF THEM. SAT DOWN.

Any Questions??

Feb 1, 2013 at 10:30am | Leave a comment

image

Look at Beyonce? Look at you? Look at Beyonce? Look at you? Look at Beyonce! #shewon

I really have no idea why so many people hate Beyonce.

Have you ever read the comments under ANY Beyonce article?? Its a freaking SHIT SHOW. I know that is true for any article anywhere in everdom. But the Beyonce hate is particularly venomous.

People are there calling her a puppet for the illuminati. People even believe this is the real meaning of her daughter, Blue Ivy’s, name. That SHIT CRAY... So CRAAAAYYY. There is relentless criticism and general hatefulness that follows her where ever she goes. People are always looking for a reason to hate Beyonce.

First, she had a wedding and ain’t tell nobody SHAT. 

The Internet Says: This bitch had a private event? HOW MOTHERFUCKING DARE SHE? Doesn’t she know that we made her? How big is her head to think she should have some privacy during this important moment of her life? #RUDE

Then she got pregnant and told everybody.

The Internet says: This bitch had a public announcement of her pregnancy? How MOTHERFUCKING DARE SHE? Doesn’t she know that we made her? How big is her fucking head to think that she should publicly celebrate during this important moment of her life? #RUDE

Then she had the baby and then decided to only release a few pictures and cover the child while being RUTHLESSLY hounded by the completely safe, never-cause-a-problem-for-anyone safety first Papparazi.

Internet says: This bitch is trying to control her child’s image in the media? HOW MOTHERFUCKING DARE SHE? Doesn’t she know that we made her and BLAH, BLAH, BLAGHITY BLAH. And I can’t even DEAL with the absolutely RIDICULOUS frenzy about her supposed fake pregnancy. I am just going to yawn and keep it moving cause the fact that this is even a thing is so aggressively fucked up that I can’t... Not even for all the EVENS.

Because Beyonce hate is really about is sexism and the general disdain for independently successful women everywhere. There is also some (a lot) of Racism here, but we are just going to make it really small and act like it didn’t even happen cause based on the overreactions of some people when race is brought up, ain’t nobody got time for that. Not in this article anyway.

Frankly, from my very non-scientific poll of women everywhere, Beyonce specifically hasn’t really done anything to irreparably harm anyone or anybody at all? I, mean, other than crushing the hopes and dreams of basic “You will never be as flawless as Queen B” talent-free types.

So I thought we were done with ridiculous Queen B venom and then her flawless ass had the audacity to SLAY the Star Spangled Banner like a motherfucking Disney princess dragon slayer at Barack Obama’s Presidential Election. And then the world exploded. The day after, I could not believe the number of articles, the comments, and general, you know ain’t no way she actually can sing that well tone of the whole Internet.

It's like they were sooo happy to have finally caught her being human. Oh, the THIRST... GLORRRAAYYY!!! She had been finally found out!!! Beyonce’s big uber secret was the use of backing tracks, a tool that every professional singer everywhere has used in large scale productions since its invention.

This was the biggest story from our Presidential Inauguration during these really crazy jacked up times? This was the thing? The whole ridiculousness of it all made me want to just break up with the internet. Like seriously, I was all set to cash in my chips and break this whole Internet thing off.

But then this happened yesterday...

So umm now me and the Internet are a thing again. Because where else would I go to be able to livestream Beyonce winning at life and your hating ass winning ALL the seats. ALL of them. SAT DOWN, SHUT UP and you betta show some respect for the mighty, mighty Queen B.

Because if you pay close attention to Beyonce (and if you are hating on her you are), she kind of is singing about some pretty OK stuff. It is very important to learn how to kick dumb dudes who mistreat you to the left, to the left. And if you can get past the Uh oh’s uh oh’s uh oh no no no’s, she is very clearly about empowering women to embrace who they are and be who they want to be. And I thought that’s what all this damn feminism, womanism, and general lifeism thing was all about, anyway?

Senam SistaTV Amegashie spends most of her time waiting for someone to give her a fucking TV show, already! While waiting for that to happen you can find her @sistatv Tweeting, @sistaTV Facebooking, and making hilarious but horribly edited SistaTV Youtube videos. SistaTV Loves you!