RECIPE OF THE WEEK: What's The Craziest Thing You Put on Your Fries?

Or "chips," if you ain't from around here.
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Claire Lower
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Or "chips," if you ain't from around here.

Welcome, one and all, to another tangy installment of Recipe of the Week! Last week, we were talking Burgers Without Borders (or manifestos) and the winning recipe (from Trudy Smock-Sample) was classy, refined, and possibly influenced by a certain promise made on my part.

classy gentleman burgers.jpg

Classy Gentleman of the World Burgers

1 lb extra lean ground sirloinabout 2 tbsp fresh rosemary3-4 tbsp Worchestershire sauceabout 1/2 a small onion, grated4 tbsp cold butter dividedSalt and pepper to taste

Mix everything but the butter together, then divide the mixture into quarters. With each quarter, form a patty around a tablespoon of butter. Cook those beasts up. Wear a tie and monocle. Eat like the classy gent you are, preferably on an onion roll with a plate full of baked steak fries and a nice stout. Follow it up with a slice of honey cake.

The good news? I did indeed buy a monocle. The bad news is that I got smug about the resources of my city and didn’t buy it in time to show you today. You see, I was under the impression that, since I live in Portland, I would be able to walk into literally any store and find one. After checking three thrift stores, a toy store, the glasses section of Fred Meyer, and the fancy hat shoppe on Hawthorne, I am sad to say that this is not the case, and I had to order one on Amazon like everyone else.

monocle order.jpg

Seriously, what is even the POINT of living here?  I feel very badly about this, and I promise you will get really excellent Claire-in-a-monocle pictures to make up for it, just as soon as the thing arrives. For now, all I can say is "I'm sorry" and "Portlandia lied to me."

But enough about me and my stupid monocle-less city, let’s talk about this burger. It was, as promised, very fancy. The butter permeated the entire patty, resulting in a the most tender and juicy hunk of beef I've ever had between two buns. Fresh, fragrant rosemary cut through the decadent fattiness of the meat, while Worcestershire sauce added an extra kick of umami making this one tasty burger. I know Trudy didn't tell me to put cheese on it, but I did because I simply have to. I may have also slathered on some horseradish mayo; it's hard to know for sure.

I also didn't have a stout because I had a migraine.

I also didn't have a stout because I had a migraine.

I feel just terrible about this whole monocle thing Trudz -- can I call you "Trudz? -- so you get two trophies. One is very obvious.

And one is "Puttin' On The Ritz" from Young Frankenstein because a fancy burger deserves a fancy song.

Next topic.

Since we've discussed burgers, it only makes sense to follow it up with their ever trusty companion: fries (or "chips" if you ain't from around here). I like 'em plain or simply dipped in a good ketchup, but I also like smothering them with stuff. Chili and cheese, gravy and curds, pizza sauce and mozz, I'd even get down with these King Cake fries.  If you can put it on a fry, I will eat it.

This was "poutine" but not really (those aren't cheese curds, but fully formed cheese).

This was "poutine" but not really (those aren't cheese curds, but fully formed cheese).

So give me your craziest fry toppings and be sure to specify what type of fry these work best on. I'll take thin, steak cut, waffle, even sweet potato, just no damn "zucchini fries" or "carrot fries" or any such nonsense.