It's basically SAW: Beauty Edition.
Some of you (like maybe the two of you who follow my Instagram) might call me out for not posting about my rad, latex pentagram skirt sooner, but I’ve had THINGS to do.
Or rather, I’ve had two versions of the flu bombard my weak immune system in the past month. Am I the only one that imagines the immune system as a nebulous fairy world that thrives somewhere deep in the core of our beings, inhabited by humanoid creatures that march around and do WORK keeping our bodies running? I HAVE A FEVER RIGHT NOW, I’m sorry.
Skirts! Made out of latex! I designed one! And then I made my boyfriend construct it.
You see, we run a creative household over in sleepy, middle-of-nowhere Virginia; counteracting the permeating shittiness of graduate school with impossible crafting feats that serve to keep us unendingly entertained. Or frustrated. Mostly entertained. And a little bit broke.
Speaking of, would any of you lovely commenters be interested in commissioning us to make you nifty garments made out of fetish material? Because we can! Observe.
YEAH. I FREAKING LOVE THIS THING. I should probably be 100 percent honest now and tell you that we worked with PVC as opposed to straight-up latex on the first go around because OBVIOUSLY. I mean, we didn’t want to just jump right into this wacky endeavor; we wanted to ease in, ya know?
I wanted an actual product to come out of this troublesome process, instead of just a jumbled mess of plastic. Plus the PVC has a soft, cotton blend fabric on the inside, which my butt thoroughly appreciates.
We bought one yard of lime green and black PVC from MJ Trends online and then we got to work. I wanted a short, high-waisted, equal-parts-sexy-and-witchy mini skirt with a creepy, lime green pentagram emblazoned in rockabilly SICKNESS on the front. My boyfriend obliged. Here’s what he did!
The skirt essentially consists of three panels.
1. First, we measured out my waist (under the bellybutton, actually), then the widest part of my hips, and finally the length between the waist and the hips.
2. Then, we folded our yard of fabric in half and started sketching out our pattern onto the cotton side of the fabric (make sure you’re working on the unified end of the fabric, along the crease). We opted to draw straight onto the material because we’re ballsy like that.
3. Don’t pin the PVC down when you cut, it makes unsightly little holes. The trick to cutting out the curved side of the skirt is WINGING IT. We kind of eyeballed an imaginary butt onto the fabric and snipped away. COMISSION US ANYWAY, PLEASE.
4. Take your measurements and sketch out the same exact pattern on the loose ends of your folded yard of fabric. Cut out the pattern again.
You’ll have a solid front piece (pattern 1) and two smaller panels (pattern 2).
What we ended up doing next worked because we were persistent. We actually sewed the three panels together and then added the zipper last by hand stitching. The problem with this was that we ended up having a lot of excess fabric when we went to work on the zipper, so there was a big gap in between my bum and the back of my skirt. We had to adjust the seams a few times and sew by hand, which kind of wore the fabric out.
What we SUGGEST doing is sewing the zipper onto the two back panels FIRST.
6. Take the two back panels and overlay them, matching up the edges, with the PVC sides touching each other. Then mark where the zipper will start and end. Sew the zipper-less portion of the skirt first (the bottom half).
7. Next, sew on the zipper, friend!
8. Then pin the two completed panels to your FINE body, remove the garment, and you can almost sew the whole thing together!
9. One more REALLY irritating thing you should do before you start sewing (if you’re using a sewing machine) is using PAINTER’S TAPE (UGH!) on the seams. Sewing through the tape ensures that your needle won’t stick to the PVC, which might ruin your garment or jam your machine. Just stick it right onto the PVC, it won’t hurt it.
10. The last thing we did was the pentagram. We spent forever drafting it and drawing it, but once we liked the shape we used fabric glue to secure it.
So after you take care of ALLA THAT, you are smooth sailing on your way to sexy, rubber skirt FINERY.
How do you guys feel about wearing plastic, rubber, and/or latex in your everyday life? (SPOILER: I feel GREAT about it.) Would you commission us to make weird things for you? Should I create some sort of wacky contest and whoever wins gets a customized SOMETHING?! Ooooh, that’s fun.
Quick, someone out there guess my favorite Hole song! BONUS POINTS if you guess my favorite line from said song. You’ll get a signed picture of my boobs or something. (Just kidding, Mom!)