During the week I like to think I’m an ambitious young professional. On the weekends however, I fully accept my status as your run-of-the mill thot. I like ratchet music, I like shaking my butt, and I LOVE shaking my butt to ratchet music in a club.
The entire process of getting ready before going out is an event I look forward to all week -- taking a long hot shower, slathering on glittery body lotion, using almost every shade in my Naked 2 palette to create an unnecessarily elaborate smoky eye, spending an hour causing irreparable damage to my hair… YES. Plus, I get to catch up on all my favorite crappy reality shows and watch makeup tutorials on YouTube.
Let me just note that if I’m going to spend all of this time pampering myself, I want to feel hot afterward. (Disclaimer: Not all women dress hot for the club because they want to be penetrated. We do it for ourselves and deserve it after a long week of hustling.) That being said, looking fine in the winter is more difficult than walking the Oregon Trail. It gets cold, and if you’re half-naked traveling to the club, your nipples are going to freeze up and fall off.
Once October hits, my traditional combination of a black tube skirt + crop top + heels has to take a hike. Maybe you're thinking, Why don’t you just wear tight jeans or something? Uh, have you ever tried to twerk in a pair of jeans? Do you also have a hernia? I can work my back until I paralyze myself, but nothing is going to jiggle.
There’s also the whole cold outside / hot inside paradox of clubbing. Once you get inside, it's 500 degrees with 100% humidity. (Sweating in jeans is one of my least favorite activities, right behind licking subway poles).
But since I love you guys, I’ve whipped up three winter club outfits with pretty clothes, shoes, makeup, and pictures of booze. Yay booze!
Since we haven’t exactly hit winter yet, let’s start with a transitional outfit:
I need to point out that I wore this exact hoodie and leather jacket combination last weekend, and was shocked by how warm it was. You would think that because the layers are thin you would feel a chill, but I would not lie to you guys -– these feel toasty. I’ve also been obsessed with thigh-high boots ever since I saw Miranda Kerr and Olivia Palermo wearing them. Thigh-high boots are the best alternative to pants -- you can show a little bit of leg (or none at all), and you don’t have to retire your LBDs right away.
Once winter hits, you may want to consider implementing these pieces into your wardrobe:
Armpit sweat circles are the bane of my existence, so if I’m going to wear sleeves they better be black. This dress is great -- the waistline is flattering, there’s a little bit of boob action, and it can fit various levels of formality with savvy accessorizing skills. Thermal tights are also a must; ice skating rinks have nothing on a New York City polar vortex. Last, if you’re going to wear a coat, it might as well be one that doesn’t look like a sleeping bag. Parkas are great and everything, but side-eyes from coat check girls can kill a homie’s vibe.
Now this last look involves sneakers and a blanket so bear with me:
This is the most casual option of the three ensembles, but also has some of my favorite pieces -- the first being a BLANKET JACKET! I am giving you permission to go out in a blanket… doesn’t that just make you hype to no end? Whether you wear sneakers to the club totally depends on the venue and your personal style. As with any of these looks, I’m only offering suggestions towards pieces and styling options. Choose what makes you feel badass and confident, because that’s what makes you sexy anyway.
Now I want to hear from you guys: How do you normally dress for the club? Do you stick to a general outfit formula like me, or do you switch it up?
Follow Courtney on Twitter and Instagram @courtneypizza