Nudity and Popsicles: Why I Keep Buying White Fluffy Hats

It's Richard Kern's fault.

Oct 27, 2011 at 12:00pm | Leave a comment

See that fluffy white hat I'm wearing in the picture? It came in the mail yesterday, from The Gap, and it's the latest in a long series of fluffy white hats I have purchased. I think this is my favorite fluffy white hat ever, even though the last one had animal ears. To me, a fluffy white hat has always been synonymous with EXTREME GLAMOUR, and I recently realized why: It's Richard Kern's fault.

I'm not sure when I bought Richard Kern's awesome photography book "New York Girls," but I'm sure that it was both at an impressionable age and one at which I was too young to be looking at Richard Kern's "New York Girls." If you don't know Kern's work, let me just say that I can't show you much of it in this respectable forum. That means NAKED LADIES, brah!

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Specifically, naked ladies in pervy/sexy/fetishy situations as photographed by Kern in 90s New York. Yes, I was almost certainly too young to have this book. But I loved it! I spent hours leafing through the images and some of them shocked me, some of them inspired me, but all of them intrigued me. And I loved the cover image of those two happy girls hanging out without tops, one of them in a fluffy white hat.

When I moved to New York at 18, I'm pretty sure this book was my working model for how New York life was going to be. It's all nudity and popsicles from here on out, I told myself. And you know what? It kind of was.

You guys know I believe in keeping my private life private (bwhahahah), so let's just say that I like some weird stuff and I did some weird stuff and prior to settling down, I had quite a few seedy adventures that would have fit nicely next to that picture of the girl holding the candle in her mouth.

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Actually, when it comes to my sexy past, I have learned along the way to keep some things private. Yes, there is even more messed-up stuff you don't know! Like the United States, I have no natural boundaries, but I have utilized people who do and my therapist to come along and paint in some state lines and decide where Wyoming ends and whatnot.

Have I digressed? I think I digressed.

The point is, that somewhere along the line that fluffy white hat on the cute popsicle girl worked its way into my subconscious and became associated with a fun, sexy, subversive lifestyle. It's my subtle way of keeping it weird, even without bartending topless or asking people to pee on me or whatever. Uh, very subtle.

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So do you have an article of clothing or an accessory you keep buying over and over? Let's parse the weird porno reasons behind it.