The Kardashians are koming – fucking A!

The Kardashian aesthetic isn’t suggesting: “Hey ladies, feel shit about yourself because you don’t wake up like this every day.” It says: “Look how much I love beauty."
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The Kardashian aesthetic isn’t suggesting: “Hey ladies, feel shit about yourself because you don’t wake up like this every day.” It says: “Look how much I love beauty."

I frigging love the Kardashians. I love the fact they willingly slap their siblings’ naked arses on TV then wrestle each other to the floor. I love that they tell each other when they are being douchbags and are not afraid to make their mother cry because, hey, she was being a bit shitty and how else will she learn. And I honestly believe Khloe and I would have a riot on a yacht, eating guacamole, drinking from the bottle and comparing butt dimples.

This is all fact. Which is why I’m chuffed the Kardashian Kollection is coming to Dorothy Perkins. (Topical – BOOM)

My personal style swings somewhere between Fearne Cotton and a Kardashian sister. I have the taste of a thirteen-year-old girl, squealing for rhinestones and ridiculous trends (except harem pants) but the body of Kelly Brooke after a divorce, four kids and year of ice-cream self-medication. I have curves in all the right places, plus a lot of wrong places and certainly in my 34F bra. Basically, if Kim K can make it look good, it’s a silhouette I should be wearing.

The Kardashian Kollection dresses women’s tits and arse. I wouldn’t wear a lot of it, but it has some awesome basics (leopard is both a neutral, and a basic). Look:

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Leopard for every occasion

Nice shirts, polka dots, trousers and shit. And it’s all about $30.

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Ok, so the panelled legging is a bit played out, but these are awesome, And useful. (If you don’t think a pleather legging is useful, we probably can’t be friends).

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A must have for every aspiring Kardashian

Ok, these really ARE useful.

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Trackies, Kardashian style

You could say that Kim Kardashian, corseted into Spanx, waxed to paper-smooth oblivion, woven with Russian prisoners’ hair and her face stretched tight like a drum, is the antithesis of feminism, because she promotes a ridiculous level of beauty. But here’s the thing, it IS attainable!

If I wanted to, I could have that face, I’d just need to save enough money to buy a small island and throw it at a plastic surgeon. I could buy that hair, wear that much make-up and sleep in those lashes. And now I can have an approximation of those clothes.

The Kardashian aesthetic isn’t suggesting: “Hey ladies, feel shit about yourself because you don’t wake up like this every day.” It says: “Look how much I love beauty. I enjoy make-up so much I’ve painted and cleverly contoured an entirely different face onto my own. You can do that if you want, with these carefully curated products.”

Or don’t, whatever, Kim’s too busy working on her make-up line to care.

So – do you hate them? Will you look for the Kardashan Kollection? Do you simply not care? That’s fine, I don’t care about football but I don’t slag it off every time someone mentions it…

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I suppose I should also confess how much I fancy Scott Disick

Hear me tweet about how much I want to bone Scott Disick at @ToryFrostWrites