You Can Pry My Diet Coke From My Cold Dead Hands (And Also Off My Fingernails)

I no longer drink, smoke, do drugs, or have sex with strangers -- THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT.

Jun 5, 2014 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

I drink diet soda. I prefer Coke Zero, but I'll drink a Diet Coke if the option is there. I've even been known to drink a Diet Sunkist in a pinch. Sometimes people like to mention that drinking diet soda is really not very good for you. To which I respond with, "You know what I used to do? Snort cocaine."

I no longer drink, smoke, do drugs, or have sex with strangers -- THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT. And I can't fathom giving it up anytime soon, no matter how many people tell me it's scorching my insides with delicious aspartame-laced chemicals. I'll keep meditating and let you know if I stumble upon the "no diet soda" level of happy enlightenment. Maybe then I can get by with the new Coca Cola by OPI collection -- 9 soda-inspired shades of polish

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In the front: Coca Cola Red, Today I Accomplished Zero, and My Signature is DC

Some more about me and diet soda: Every Friday night, my sober girlfriends and I go out to dinner and we all order Diet Coke and then anxiously monitor the level of our glasses like we probably all once monitored our drinks. Once the woman just left the whole pitcher on our table and it was like Christmas. Every once in awhile, somebody quits soda for awhile and I sort of look at them like they're a traitor. This is all real. This is not a sponsored post. If it was, it probably wouldn't mention cocaine.

Anyway, my favorite is the Diet Coke-inspired shade, because not only is it a perfect match for the can, but the particular shade of silver kind of makes me feel like a soda-loving robot.

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My Signature is DC

I also tried the Coke Zero one, which is black with red glitter flecks. Speaking of which, I showed these to Jane, who has also been known to indulge in a diet soda from time to time and she was confused that the shades matched the can design instead of the soda itself. I had to remind her that then like five of the shades would just be brown.

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Today I Accomplished Zero

The Coca Cola by OPI collection will be available this month for $9 each. There are also shades inspired by Vanilla Coke, Sprite, Cherry Coke, Grape Fanta and Orange Fanta. Also do you say soda, pop or what? Where I'm from everything is "Coke." You order a coke and they ask you what kind of coke. Might be a Sprite.