Why Can't I Ever Throw Makeup Away? Like Ever?

I physically can't bring myself to get rid of makeup that I just KNOW is still good.

Apr 18, 2013 at 4:00pm | Leave a comment

I was at Sephora the other day racking up beauty insider points like damn champion (or total sucker, you choose) when my fingers brushed past the NARS section, pausing ever so briefly over the blush that makes me human. Itching to add it to my heavy basket I convinced myself otherwise with one thought, "I've still got plenty back at the house." 

Guys, this is how much blush I currently have at home. 

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But before you laugh at my obvious makeup dysmorphia, please believe that this tiny archipelago of fake cheeks will absolutely last me about a month or more. After that, I can survive on the dust for at least three nights out. Then I'll just use the leftover remnants still clinging the bristles of my brush for a few days before I finally break down and buy a new thing of blush. 

Don't believe me? Exhibit B.

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I've had this much cream eyeshadow for so long I can't even remember where it's from (I think Revlon). I only use one color pot of this quad for that tiny triangle of eyelid closest to my nose. It's a "look alive" trick I learned back in the day from a fellow dancer. A tiny smidge of skin tone appropriate highlighting over your tearducts makes your eyes pop but not in a scary way. 

Point is, I can still get plenty of uses out of this makeup even though it's probably b'ak'tuns past its sell-by date and teeming with all manner of post-apocalyptic grossness germ-wise. But you're talking to the kid who was taught to slice the last tube toothpaste open, smash skinny slivers of soap together for Frankenstein-scented suds, add some water to the Listerine and keep it moving. 

I simply cannot in good conscious sentence anything I know has a few more lives left to the garbage bin. Am I cheap? Yes, yes I am. But it's more than that.

According to Bank of America, I can afford the $28 bucks it costs to replace most of the stuff in my makeup bag, but I always beg off. Actually I think I probably get off on how long I can go sans major beauty purchases, as if I'm sticking it to the imaginary man, which always feels like a win. No matter how hard it is to get lipstick out of that tube with your pinkie.