It's gonna get sappy up in here.
Alright, I’ve decided to try online dating again.
I know, I know: People know BAZILLIONS of friends who have met online, people whose profiles touched some chord in their hearts, emails flew and suddenly a year later, dude got down on one knee and suddenly we’re all purchasing airline tickets to attend the wedding of the year. I have attended two weddings of online dating results and another girlfriend of mine has just received her Crackerjack surprise toy ring of a lifetime, so I know it works. I’m not sure forever and ever amen is what I’m after right this second. I’m just looking for a flow of candidates to start coming in, maybe even get a date out of it. In other words, I need some sweet, sweet action.
Having been online before, I understand why a good photo is important: Chemistry begins with attraction. You want to at least see some of the goods to make sure that you’re not going to possibly share a drink or a meal with a fire-breathing creature from Lord of the Rings, but that is SO much pressure. Full body but not too slutty, a portrait that’s pretty but not too Glamour Shots...it’s a lot to take in.
So, I’ve been taking a ton of photos trying to figure out how to smize, strike a pose and come up with a shot that will be the milkshake that brings all the boys to my yard. So far I've had some success using the photo above from right after I got my hair done (and yes, that is a dryer behind me.) And by success, I mean I have a couple of dates lined up with people who don’t appear to be The People Who Live Under The Subway.
Here's what I'm wearing in the shot: my new favorite is NARS Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer SPF 36, which not only gives SERIOUSLY GOOD coverage, but it also delivers hydration like Domino’s. For those who cannot conceive of life without foundation, I’m telling you: try it. Just apply concealer under or over it where needed and keep it moving.
A good luminizer is like traveling with your own lighting crew in every kind of light. My go-to for everything photos is Benefit Cosmetics Watts Up!, a soft-focus highlighter that’s like cheesecloth lighting. A small swipe down the center of the nose and around the outside of your eyes up to the brow bone blended does WONDERS. It’s like having the Barbara Walters/Barbra Streisand soft focus effect without the expensive lighting tricks. This product isn’t supposed to cover anything up; it’s just supposed to draw the eye to the features you want them to look at most.
Dudes evidently are into seriously lush lashes, according to Token Straight Guy, my non-douchebag buddy who has offered to be a study in general male psyche for you gals. I like a combination mascara that does lengthening and volumizing, so CoverGirl LashBlast Fusion is like a dream come true. I’ve been instructed to say that anything that looks like fake lashes must be avoided.
I went with a simple bronze-brown-gold tint for eyes, cheeks and lips here, which was the magic of the NARS The Multiple in Copacabana. Honestly, the company’s Multiples in Orgasm or Super Orgasm are kind of amazing as well and are cult classics for a reason. Give any of them a shot. Depending on whether you want sun-kissed flush or breathless from an afternoon quickie appeal, both are evidently quite effective.
So, I’ll let you know if the photo was the deciding factor in getting a decent date. What I can report is that after YEARS of posting ridiculously made-up photos on the Interwebs, this whole semi-natural look got MUCH better emails than the smoky-eye-Bond-girl looks I used to post. Who knew? I’ll keep you posted.
However, if you don’t hear anything from me in a week or so, I’ll either be snogging my brains out with a brand-new Internet hottie or making my new home under the subway tracks. Either way, send pizza.
Let’s chat about your online dating profile experiences. What photos have brought you success? Have you seen some sweet action from looks other than the Nearly Natural look I discussed above? Let’s go all honest about the beauty of online photos and hookups.