I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
Bodies are weird, man. And they get even weirder as you get older.
A few years ago I noticed two strange bruises on my calf. I instinctively rubbed the area with my hand, but something odd occurred: I didn't feel any of the pain that usually accompanies rubbing a bruise. Then I got distracted by something shiny and didn't give it much more thought.
A month or so went by and I noticed the bruising again. It was like deja vu except it felt more annoying than mystical.
I decided to investigate, and as I picked, stretched and leaned in closer to the affected area, I realized this was no bruise. It was little purple and magenta lines! The hell?
I started inspecting the rest of my legs and found some more around my left and ankle, and a few sprinkled along my right thigh.
How did I get myself into this mess?!
Turns out, aside from plain old aging, spider veins can be caused by tanning, alcohol, smoking and birth control. You know, all the fun stuff. They are also caused by obesity (don't think this applies in my case, but I did date a guy who once told me to lose 10 pounds) and heredity, so if you hate your parents you can throw that one on top of the pile.
But honestly, who cares how I got them? How do I get rid of them? I can't afford fancy treatments!
Well, one of the root causes of spider veins is poor circulation. I hate to admit this, but I was a smoker for almost 10 years. I officially quit last New Year's Eve, and although I can't say I had my last cigarette that night, I can say that my one or two cigarettes a month has been a vast improvement.
I'm not going to mom you about your smoking because you're a grown-ass adult, but smoking will seriously cramp your beauty style. If you're a serious nicotine addict, I say you take a cue from Stephen Dorff and pop an electronic cigarette in your mouth.
Another way to boost your circulation is to get off your butt and, like, move around. Instead of standing, try jogging. Running, spinning, eliptical machine riding--all good ways to boost your circulation to get the blood moving.
So now that we've successfully quit smoking and become athletes, it's time to consider what we could be putting onto and into our bodies to help us promote and sustain good vein health.
Creams with vitamin K are a good way to go. You can also take vitamin K as a supplement (and I will be running out to buy some as soon as I finish writing this). You should probably be taking more vitamins in general. They're good for you--they're vitamins.
I also read Green For Life a few years ago (it's all about raw smoothies and they're way better than juices) and the author claimed her spider veins went away after making all of her green smoothies with kale. Kale, aside fom being the leafy green of the moment, is also very rich in vitamin K.
Other foods that have a lot of vitamin K include other dark leafy greens (like spinach), spring scallions, broccoli, chilis, brussels sprouts, and cucumbers. A lot of green stuff. Green is in. Pantone says so.
Of course, if you can afford it, you can always just go to a fancy clinic and have a plastic surgeon or dermatologist remove them in a few minutes.
Do you have spider veins? How have you improved them? Have you gotten one of the expensive treatments I dream of?