I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
The concept of splurging, to me, reached maximum splurge around the time I swiped my credit card for a Louboutin lipstick that admittedly doesn't get much play in my lip color wardrobe. It seems that the more luxurious an item, the less it is indulged if for no other reason than milking it for as long as possible.
I am no casual splurger, though, so it's not like I have a strategy for this sort of thing. In fact, when these three geode-diamond things containing the most expensive skincare I've ever slathered came to me, I mostly just stared at them, rearranging them on my vanity like chess pieces and going "hmm... hmm... hmm..." periodically.
More than their very pretty packaging, I was eager to find out if using this very fancy skincare routine from this very fancy beauty brand would turn my face into some conceptual version of the film Pretty Woman.
I mean, If you are going to spend $1,080 on your face, it had better yield results as well as advertise how money you are to anyone who takes a trip to your master bath. Other than that, I cannot imagine having enough disposable income to warrant any beauty-related things that don't involve needles or surgery for that much cheddar.
But let's talk about this Cle De Peau Illuminating Trio.
- The three players are La Crème, Le Serum and Intensive Eye Contour Cream. They are meant to bring out your skin's "natural radiance" with anti-aging benefits for "flawless, radiant, and more youthful skin overnight"
- The crème and eye cream come with their own ice sculpture-looking platforms to hold their spatulas (extra fancy).
- Le Serum looks like a cocktail shaker (an implication of a fancy lifestyle!).
- The eye creme comes with a "beauty massage tool," which is coated in pure platinum. It's heavy-feeling and faceted, so you can roll it along your eye area.
- La Crème (starting at $535) contains a buffet of anti-aging light switches in the form of silk and pearl elements and something called 4MSK for a patented science-brewed formula of ultimate luxury.
- Also, you can take them apart and buy refills!
But enough about these components and fancy applicators! What is it actually like slapping on a cool G of skincare?
It's fine. It's, like... it's fine.
It feels nice. It smells nice. My un-makeup'd face looks so finely moisturized and luminous due to the pearly-finish of La Crème that I might be inspired to drop lines like "Let them eat cake!" or "I can't decide — I'll take them all!"
Perhaps the real luxury is in the time you take indulging in a seriously fancy set like this one. I noticed I definitely take the time to pat in the serum gently and thoroughly and apply the eye cream with the little spatula side and then massage and roll it in with the little scepter it comes with.
Not for nothing — if you happen upon an eye-massage tool like this, get it. It's probably the only thing that has actually worked to de-puff my eyes and get the redness to calm the F down in the mornings due to manual draining of fluids that build up in your face overnight while also kickstarting blood circulation.
The cream itself is super-thick but not greasy. It sticks to the area you apply it and sinks in, but it doesn't look glossy or feel like you've basted your eye area in skincare lard. I have tried cold spoons, mind you, but something about the faceted egg-end of the wand feels so good rolling along your under eye area like you're frosting a cake. An eye cake.
La Crème comes with directions on how to apply la crème with a pressing and massaging motion (upwards — always upwards) to get the benefits of whatever is in it as well as do yourself a wicked facial massage.
It's rich but not heavy and feels really, really creamy — creamy enough to want to fondle your face for far longer than one normally would when not on LSD. Also, it smells faintly like Keri lotion, which brings me back to childhood (as does the formula of this face cream, allegedly).
Le Serum — what can we say about Le Serum? Last hired, first fired? No, I'm kidding, but honestly, it's like the trophy wife of this trio at $325. I do sort of buy into the concept of brand loyalty for certain regimens (this being one of them) but when reducing my five/six-step skincare routine to a mere three with these pieces (plus cleanser, plus SPF in the daytime), I'm basically expecting the work of five to come from three, and that's not really how logic works for the most part. That's not how it works with this either.
Using this super-indulgent skincare range for a month was probably the most I've spent obsessing over my pores while using the least amount of product, and to be honest, all that massaging and caressing did yield some illuminating results. My circulation has been gravely neglected all this time. I cannot entirely discount the heavy lifting that probably a lot of massaging does when it comes to applying skincare. You can't just slap it on and expect Results™, you know? You gotta knead it in there, not let anything escape, make it work overtime.
I have been wearing less and less makeup out of the house. It feels like a prize, considering I'm spending all this time just massaging money into my face — like, don't look at my makeup, look at my skincare! It is amazing how revitalizing it feels to pamper your face with la touche (the touch, the feel...). If you have no current plans to throw a paycheck at the Illuminating Trio, you can at least get on the massage train with your current set-up and see how that goes.
- What's the most you've spent/would spend on skincare?
- Do you like luxury?
- Are you a fancy bish?
- Should we get matching jackets?