Be Forewarned: This Week's Beauty News Features a Straightener-Burned Schlong

For the record, Gwen Stefani and her awesome purple hair have nothing to do with said injury.

Y'all know New York Fashion Week is going on right now, right? Of course you do—you're on the damn internet. We'll have some roundups and tutorials coming your way over the next few days, so I figured there's really no point in including a "makeup and hair and nail stuff is happening on runways" news nugget because it's kind of a given.

I mean, sure, Hood by Air sending models down the runway with unblended MAC contouring makeup is pretty beauty-newsworthy, but short of one of my darling writers taking on a beauty dare in which they wear the look out and about like it's NBD (any volunteers?), I don't think it needs its own blurb beyond the one I'm typing right now.

Genitals burned with hair tools, though—that deserves several paragraphs.

Even if your boyfriend says it's OK for you to burn his junk with a straightening iron, you probably shouldn't.

Likely to be spun by MRAs as evidence of the dangers of feminism or something, a 22-year-old Australian woman has been given a suspended jail sentence for burning her cheating boyfriend's penis with her flat iron.

In December 2013—I guess the penile penal system isn't so swift down under—Bronwyn Joy Parker, falling short of going Full Bobbitt, gave her unfaithful boyfriend's wiener third-degree burns with her favorite hair tool, and earlier this week, she pleaded guilty to recklessly causing serious harm. District Court Judge Paul Muscat gave her a suspended sentence—that's when you basically get probation and you most likely won't have to actually go to jail if you don't burn any more penises—and he had some very interesting words to say about the incident.

"His penis will be scarred for life and he will suffer from a number of issues, including the proper function of his penis, not to mention the cosmetic and psychological problems associated with the scarring to such a sensitive site," Judge Muscat said to Parker during her sentencing. "He was unfaithful to you and had spent two nights with his ex-girlfriend and had sex with her. When you found out about that, you reminded him of his promise [to be faithful] to you. He asked you 'What about it?' referring to the promise he had previously made. You told him to remove his penis from his shorts, which he did. He said that you could 'tap it' with the straighteners after he removed his penis, after you said that you were not going to burn his testicles."

WAIT—HOLD UP. The guy agreed to have his penis "tapped" with a plugged-in straightener? The fuhhh...

"You took his penis in your hand and then, with the other, you placed the straighteners on either side of the shaft of his penis before squeezing them momentarily," the judge continued, telling the defendant what she did, even though she probably remembers it really clearly. "I need not here say anything of the pain and shock which he then experienced."

Although Parker told police that she expected it to feel only like a sunburn, the boyfriend's statement alleges that his penis was "swollen, blistering and pussy [sic—I mean, that has to be sic, right?...he surely meant 'pus-filled'] and black in colour."

The brand and model of the flat iron was not released to the press.

Gwen Stefani used Manic Panic to get her new purple ends. Well, her colorist did, to be exact.

Who says Manic Panic is for 16-year-olds? At last Friday's Riot Fest in Chicago, almost-46-year-old Gwen Stefani debuted color-blocked black and purple ends made possible by Manic Panic Ultra Violet and Raven.

But even though Manic Panic is layperson-friendly, the striped look is best left to a professional, like Gwen's colorist, Danilo.

"It’s a technique we call limelight, and it’s basically a linear—the horizontal, not vertical—placement of color. And there is a difficulty to it; it’s very technical,” Danilo told People StyleWatch. "And if you notice, one of the amazing things about the technique is that when you go into the hair, the line of the black hair is lined throughout—imagine like fur and feathers, basically—the hair would be colored at the same point. So when you move, you always get the continuity of the placement of the color. So when she throws [her hair] around, it always falls back into pattern."

Gwen sported a similar style with orange instead of purple last December.

Speaking of hair-color techniques...

Forget foil—the next highlighting trend uses sharp objects to get the most natural-looking color.

If you've ever gotten your hair highlighted, you know what it's like to sit in a salon chair with enough foil around your head to keep the Illuminati out of your thoughts. But instead of painting color onto foil, NYC-based Redken colorist Chiala Marvici is smushing color around on glass with a knife.

Sounds like a super-safe thing I want near my head!

But in all serious, this technique, which Marvici calls "hand-pressed color," could become something pretty major in the industry.

"I know it sounds strange, but I had a dream where I saw multiple layers of patterns and sheets of colour, one in front of the other," she told The Telegraph. "The technique," in which she paints blobs of different colors onto a sheet of plexiglass, layers a section of hair over it, and then blends the blobs into the hair with a plastic knife, "allows the colorist to create multiple layers and patterns to create a multi-dimensional feel."

Rodial is bringing their makeup to the US!

Rodial is one of my favorite skincare brands; their Dragon's Blood Hyaluronic Night Cream is as magical as it sounds. Their makeup, however, although available online, has never been available in US stores.

That all changes next month when Blue Mercury will be the first US brick-and-mortar retailer to carry Rodial makeup favorites like Glamolash Mascara, Stemcell Super-Food Glam Balm, and Glamstick. Clearly, someone at Rodial is fond of the word "glam"; but more importantly, I'm pretty sure a lot of Americans will become fond of the collection.

  • Think you'll try any of Rodial's makeup when it gets here?
  • What's the most sensitive body part (yours or someone else's) you've ever burned with a hair tool?
  • Which hair-color technique would you be more likely to ask for: limelight or hand-pressed color?