Let's Talk Eyelash Extensions

They make waking up looking crazy beautiful actually possible.

Sep 27, 2012 at 11:30am | Leave a comment

I'll be the first to admit that I have a knack for coming across the craziest shit on the Internet, but I'm quite sure my latest find takes the adorable cake.

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Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. But first I need a car.

Fancy a more feminine, flirtier ride? Whether you're tooling around town in a clunker or a coupe, Treat. Yo. Self. to a pair of CarLashes! iMean.com. There's the Classic option for $26.99, or Chrome for $44.99. And here's the kicker -- you can even add sparkly crystals to the base of the lashes for an extra $10!

I haven't owned a car since I moved to Manhattan 8 years ago (some fuckwad stole my baby!), but if I did, you can bet your bottom dollar I'd trick that bitch all the way out with a pair. (And perhaps a car thong!)

Aren't they adorably ridiculous? Just like eyelash extensions for you, actually.

Kerry Cohen found herself addicted to the lash crack back in December, and every now and then (like when I'm traveling nonstop and can't be bothered to tote around several packs of my favorite $1 eyelashes), I too fall prey to the $300 eyelash LSD.

If you haven't yet, I do recommend that you give them a go at least once in your life. There's no better beauty feeling than rolling out of bed looking fabulous and flirty and stunning. With that said, take care to remember these 3 cardinal cosmetic rules:

1) Sleep Smarter

If you plank while you slumber -- STOP. (The more tequila I suck down, the more likely it is that I wake up in this position. Once in an empty bathtub. Crazypants.) Sleeping on your back or either side is much better option if you're interested in lengthening the life of your lashes.

2) Live And Die By The Oil Free

Speaking of lengthening their lifespan, oil-free face wash and makeup remover is your new beauty BFF. Even the slightest amount of oil could trigger the breakdown of the lash adhesive, meaning you'll have to pony up for a fill-in much earlier than scheduled. If you've paid top dollar for them, make damn sure you take excellent care of them.  

3) Go All Out

And since you've paid top dollar, don't be a wuss and get the natural length. You can do that with mascara. Straight stunt on them hoes with a so-long-they-could-never-be-real-but-who-gives-a-shit-because-they-look-so-crazy-damn-good length. Yes, you'll have to start wearing your glasses a little lower on your nose, but you'll get used to them after a day or two. Plus, YOLO. Go for the gusto and full-on glamour while the getting is good.

Peace out cub scouts. Follow me on Twitter: @IndiaJewelJax