I'm Terrified of Aging, So I Got Fillers and a Kylie Jenner Lip Kit This Weekend

It's been a weird month. Don't judge me.
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Publish date:
March 29, 2016
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Tags:
anti-aging, beauty standards, fillers, aging skin, kylie jenner

This month has been filled with a lot of highs and lows. I've been working so much that my room looks like the inside of my mind (read: crazy and dirty), but I've also had some great moments with friends and family that have managed to lift me, albeit briefly, out of the insanity (like when my little sister came over and cooked dinner in my apartment with her two best friends because she is adorable and perfect).

Specifically this week, two things happened that were both exciting and controversial – I finally got my Kylie Jenner Lip Kit and I got facial fillers.

Now, full disclosure, I've gotten fillers once before in my nasolabial folds (done by the amazing Melissa Knudson at Rowe Plastic Surgery), but I was doing it purely for the editorial experience and I barely had half a syringe put in. It didn't really hurt, and I saw a mild change but the experience didn't register as remarkable. However, I've recently been thinking a lot about aging.

Mostly, how I don't understand how it's possible that I simultaneously love it and hate it and I finally feel like I'm at a point in my life where my mind has caught up to my body. I am able to calmly and rationally deal with emotions. I don't make rash and insane decisions at the drop of a hat, and I've begun to (mostly) lose the incessant feelings of FOMO that used to plague me interminably in my early twenties.

Yet, despite this calmer mindset, I've been looking at my face recently and kind of freaking out. Some of it is that my skin has decided recently that 27 is the year it's going to throw a tantrum worthy of Kanye. Some of it is also that I can see the deepened lines on my face that I can extrapolate have come from late nights both downing Lone Stars with boys in Williamsburg bars and staring infinitely into a laptop screen.

I really don't have an issue with what people on the internet think of me (I wouldn't have published this, this, or this if I did), but I do recognize that the decision to get facial fillers at 27 may be controversial. Hell, I don't like the fact that I hate looking at the lines on my face!

I was that bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 22 year old who claimed I would never do anything like that to my face because how could I capitulate to our society's fetishization of feminine youth? However, as time has rolled on it has become more and more apparent to me that what I always intellectually knew — youth is hilariously overvalued in our society, especially for women — felt worse in reality than on the pages of a Gender Studies text book. I didn't (and don't) like losing the currency of my young age.

It's like how people are able to recognize that they have privilege, but only when it starts to leave them are they fully able to comprehend what it was. And, I get it, I can't really complain about aging when I'm 27, but suffice it to say I was seeing deeper lines in my face and, I didn't like it. And I hated that I didn't like it. I hated that I internalized our society's whack-a-doodle concept that being a beautiful woman means being supernaturally ageless. But I didn't like the way my face was looking, so I decided to do something about it.

And that led me to Dr. Matthew R. Schulman's Plastic Surgery practice on the Upper East side getting Restylane fillers in my nasolabial folds (the lines around my mouth), and my "fox lines" (the genetic lines that cross my cheek bones that have gotten markedly worse in the last 2-3 years). Though softening my smile lines was definitely a goal, I was by far the most excited by the prospect of getting rid of my "fox lines" or extended tear trough lines on my cheeks.

According Physician's Assistant Tami Healy, fillers can mainly do two things. They have the ability to restore volume back to the face where it has been lost as a result of aging or weight changes. This makes them excellent options to fill cheeks, lips, and nasolabial folds. They can also be used to address fine lines that become etched in the skin over time from normal facial movements, such as around the mouth. The most requested areas for filler tend to be the lips, nasolabial folds, and cheeks.

Dr. Schulman also noted, "there are several different fillers. The main category is hyaluronic acid. These are the most popular, and include the popular Restylane and Juvederm family of products. These products are very forgiving, have the ability to be dissolved, and last about 10 months on average."

A little over 24 hours ago, Tami expertly injected my face with Restylane. She used one full syringe on both my nasolabial folds and my "fox lines," and though she numbed my face before, it definitely hurt. I also weirdly bled slightly more than patients usually do, according to Tami, which she noted could be due to a number of things — notably my PMS or my weekend Advil consumption. Though she assured me this wasn't something to be worried about, it did mean that my face bruised a lot more than I had anticipated.

I left the office with a sore and slightly numb face (the lidocaine in the fillers instantly numbs you as they enter your skin), and went home to rest. When I entered the office I was greeted by a magical sight — my glorious Kylie Jenner Lip Kit had finally arrived.

I'm unabashedly unashamed of how excited I was.

I realized the latest restock of the Lip Kits was happening when I working late at the office and happened to scroll past an Instagram post about it on my feed. I got online quickly enough to grab a kit, but unfortunately the only color left was "22."

Luckily, as I found out when I put it on this morning, the color — though with its muted burnt orange tones is definitely more divisive than the rest of the Kylie Lip Kit family — looked great with my skin. Also, I have to echo Tynan here and tell you that the Lip Kit formula is out-of-this-world awesome. It dries perfectly matte and it stays on like a dream. No transfer, no stickiness, and no bleeding around the edges. I now simply must buy all of the other colors, darnit.

Anyways, here's me, one day post fillers, in all of my bruised, swollen glory, wearing the Kylie Jenner Lip Kit in "22," Milk Makeup's Concealer in Fair to slightly cover up the bruising and a smidgen of Tom Ford mascara on my eyes.

You can definitely see a difference in my lines, though time may tell given the swelling. So tell me, what do you guys think about my call to do this? Am I an idiot? Or are you all just as scared of aging too?

Also how dope is the Kylie Lip Kit, am I right??