Oh, don't pretend like you don't have one!
To say I am obsessed with Britney Spears is a massive understatement. I LOVE BRITNEY. I love everything she does, and I always will. Except for that song from the Smurfs movie.
Truth be told: I wasn't into Britney when she first became popular. I was apathetic to her many charms until she hooked up with Kevin Federline and made her backstage tour videos into the greatest reality TV show of all time, Britney + Kevin: CHAOTIC.
It was 2004. Suddenly, I was presented with a Britney I didn't know existed. She talked frankly about drinking and sex, definitely taped herself while stoned, and acted--like any 20-something chick--a bit vain and silly. She'd gotten married in Vegas to a childhood friend on a whim and then had it quickly annulled, making poor mama Lynne crazy. Brit had just released her sexiest album, In The Zone, and was about to embark on the Onyx Hotel tour to support it.
Our girl was 22 at the time: three years younger than I am now. OF COURSE she was getting crazy and singing about masturbation, stimulating sex on stage, and wearing lingerie as clothing. I mean, she never got to go to college. She was too busy making pop hits and dating Justin Timberlake.
Anyway, once I watched Brit fall in love with the dancer from the wrong side of the tracks who had a baby on the way by another woman, marry him and get pregnant immediately, I was hooked. Britney was the coolest as far as I was concerned; I was down with this trashy side of America's Pop Princess. I still keep a handful of pictures of her with K-Fed chillin' on the beach, smoking Marlboros and eating Cheetos. It's true love, y'all.
I've watched the entire Onyx Hotel show from start to finish on YouTube, and Britney's look throughout is one of my favorites. (Oh wait--they're all my favorites. Bald Britney included.) During the tour, she looks INSANELY GOOD; pretty much like she's just had a bunch of sex. Flushed cheeks, messy hair, a golden glow. That entire tour was about sex.
Now that my extensions are out (something Britney knows a thing or two about!) and my hair's a bit darker, I've noticed my look is a bit more Onyx-Hotel-Britney than bleach-blonde-quality-extensions-Britney." (Not to be confused with 2007 meltdown extensions Britney.) God, she's awesome.
If you wanna play 2004-era brunette bombshell Britney, first you should go to the beach. No, seriously. That's what I did before writing this. I got some sun and drank a beer. It's too bad I don't have a baby Sean Preston and Jayden James to take along with me. Those kids are CLONES of Brit. Lucky.
Oh, Britney. Your hair is such a giant part of your identity. I liked you bald; I thought that was pretty punk rock. Your extensions look fairly good lately, so keep that up.
Britney wore her hair messy and wavy during part of the Onyx Hotel tour. I have natural waves, but I wanted a bit more texture and curl. I took my four-days-unwashed hair and sprayed a few blasts of my trusty Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray at the roots and under my top layers.
Next I wound random sections around a curling wand. I like a wand because it creates more piecey curls than a barrel iron. After a little trial and error, they’re really easy to use; just try not to burn your hand.
After I'd done most of my head, I ran my fingers through the curls and tousled them around. Since I'm in desperate need of a trim, I coated my ends with some serum.
I used Laura Mercier's illuminating tinted moisturizer for increased radiance, then set my face with a little bit of Bare Minerals powder. I am in the middle of an awesome hormonal breakout, so that sucks. There’s really no covering that crap up.
Britney looked very JBF'd while onstage, so after dusting bronzer over my cheekbones, the bridge of my nose and under my chin, I dotted Urban Decay's Afterglow blush in Crush, a hot pink, onto the apples of my cheeks and blended it in. I love this stuff; it screams Barbie pink, but it's very soft and easy to work with. You can build the intensity really easily with just the heat of your fingers.
I really wanted to glow like I'd been dancing and dry-humping on stage all night, so I went pretty heavy on the illuminating powder. I am obsessing over Hourglass's Ambient Lighting Powder in Radiant. I swear, just a little bit makes you look instantly prettier. It's like magical candlelight. I ran a bit down my nose, across my cheekbones and dipped an eyeshadow brush in it to paint a little on my cupid's bow. This is definitely too much shimmer for daylight, but it's great for low light. It’s like all that sweat pouring off her in the “Slave 4 U” video.
Another product I can't get enough of: Maybelline Color Tattoos. I have five now, and I love the color range, the texture and the longevity. I dabbed Pomegranate Punk, a brownish-mauve-cranberry, all over my lid. With a pointed brush, I added just a tiny bit of dark brown shadow (from the Naked palette, obv) into my crease, then drew a thick line with Urban Decay's Zero eyeliner (definitely the best black pencil liner money can buy). I drew a line under my lower lashes, too, and smudged it with my fingers to soften it. Britney wears her liner all the way under her eye from corner to corner, but I’m learning that’s too harsh for me.
With a small shadow brush, I applied a bit of shimmery shadow in my inner corners and on my brow bones. I piled on the mascara: two coats of Lancome Hypnose Drama and one of Mally Voluminzing mascara, adding extra at my outer corners for drama.
Last but not least, my bod needed to match my shiny face. I used Hawaiian Tropic Shimmer Effect after-sun moisturizer for a sexy, glittery sheen on my skin. I dusted a bit of Diva Dust, a golden glitter powder I got via a sex-toy company that smells like vanilla and has the perfect amount of sparkle, down into my cleavage and on my collarbones. Boom! It's Britney, bitch!
Oh, but we're not done. We gotta pay homage to Trashy Britney. Add baseball cap, aviators and cutoffs. Cheetos, cigs and a Red Bull not included but encouraged.
What’s your favorite Britney era? Do we love Britney forever or what? Remember her MTV Diary?