Oh, don't pretend like you don't have one!
Do you get invited to a lot of different Halloween parties?
What’s it like? I graduated from college a year ago, and I live with my boyfriend, and I still don’t know how people make friends. But apparently, some people do! I’m thinking about signing up for a ceramics class. Or moving.
But I know there are humans who exist, who get invited out of their homes to events on the regular, and Halloween is a biggie.
Halloween sort of blows because it’s on, like, a Thursday so all these shmarmy host types are apt to throw a party any day of the damn week, and you can bet there’s gonna be multiple events the weekend before and after, too.
So what’s an enterprising young slice like yourself supposed to do when you have multiple gigs on a limited budget?
Luckily, you have me here for guidance--your friendly neighborhood basket case. Now, tell me, have you heard the good word about wigs?
For just one small payment of $25, we can create a plethora of exciting Halloween ideas spanning the spectrum from standard to slutty.
After graduating, I was mad unemployed and even madder depressed, and I went through a phase where I wore wigs to inappropriate events and ate all the cheese. I wonder when this phase will end.
A pink wig is NOT AN INVESTMENT BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT THE WORD INVESTMENT MEANS AND A WIG CAN’T BE ONE (my boyfriend’s an investment advisor and I’m trying to impress him, see…), but a pink wig is a really great purchase that you probably, most likely, maybe won’t regret!
With just one pretty pink wig I ordered on Amazon, we can recreate several easy, fun Halloween costumes so you won’t be caught wardrobe-double-dipping in any Facebook photos this holiday season.
Look 1: Charlotte from Lost in Translation
This is not much of a costume, but everyone worth his or her weight in angst has seen this film and loves it.
Get your most slovenly yet lovable middle-aged dude friend to go as Bill Murray with you. Make him whisper things in your ear. Be super pouty because, remember, when life hands you free trips to an amazing city like Tokyo with your rockstar photographer boyfriend, just stare longingly out the window a lot.
This look is the ultimate in lazy, really. You can buy a wig and put no other effort in, but people will still be into it because wigs automatically make you cool. Trust me. I’m extremely cool.
Look 2: Wanda from The Fairly Oddparents
This is really perfect if you have kids or if you’re sort of a stoner or both or neither. I don’t know what it is about this cartoon, but it’s one of the few Nick shows that I’ll stick around and watch if I stumble across it while channel surfing on any given afternoon. I think it’s really funny and happy and dumb, which is all I’ve ever asked for from this life.
So take a section from the front of your wig and twist it up and pin it back. The bangs are gonna be resilient, so use some little clips to hold them down. Use cute little pink clips if you can.
Pull the rest of the wig into a pony in the back. Throw on some mascara and bright pink lipstick. I used Revlon’s Just Bitten Lipstain + Balm in Passion.
You’ll also need a bright yellow crown and a wand with a star on the end. I forgot my crown, but we’ll all float on. Wear a yellow top and some wings, too.
If you are a parent, this costume would be so cute if y’all went as Cosmo and Wanda and dressed your kid as Timmy, regardless of gender. Kids don’t even have genders. I don’t even have gender. This is 2013.
Look 3: Frenchy from Grease
One of the most famous pink hairs of the past century or so is everyone’s favorite beauty school dropout, Frenchy. Everyone always dresses up as sluttified Sandy, but Frenchy’s where it’s at. Her cute, curly, pink 'do was supposed to signify some sort of beauty failure, but it actually looked awesome and is probably to blame for our Tumblrific generation’s bleach-soaked frontal cortexes.
But, obviously, you can’t curl this budget wig if you want to still have this budget wig, so a cute alternative that still pretty much gets the point across: curlers! Pair this look with a cute winged eye and some glossy pink lips. Here I’m wearing Dior Addict Lip Gloss #453 over the Revlon stain.
If you have a Pink Ladies jacket, you probably stole it from a community theatre costume closet. Give it back, or give it to me. Stealing is bad. * slaps your wrist *
Look 4: Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
Do you have a fictional character people compare you to constantly? I’d never even heard of Ramona Flowers until this movie came out, and then I swear, nerds were coming out of the freaking woodwork to tell me what a Ramona I am. And this was before I even got into my weird hair-color phase! I’m just a huge bitch with crazy exes.
Whatever. Ramona’s hot and I like this movie a lot.
This wig isn’t exactly the right shade or texture for Ramona, but it’s Halloween, and all your nitpicky dork friends are too smashed off spiced ciders to tell.
Pair the wig with dark eyeliner and a light berry red lip. Wear multiple hoodies (because Ramona lives in Canada, where it is always winter, I assume) and some goggles on your head. I don’t go near water or steampunk, so I don’t own goggles, but sunglasses sufficed.
Look 5: Alice/Jane in Closer
Ah, now for my pièce de résistance because Closer is one of my favorite movies and Natalie’s my ultimate. She is SO hot as a stripper in this movie and also in everything ever, and every time someone compares me to her, an angel gets an ego boost and buys herself a slushie. (I’m the angel.)
Okay, first put “Pour It Up” on repeat. Next, dip your shadow brush in water, shake it off, and use it to cover your entire lid all the way up to your brows with sparkly hot pink eyeshadow. Maybelline Color Tattoo Pure Pigments have yet to disappoint me (and I own MOST of them), and Pink Rebel is a really beautiful shade. I wanna wear this every day.
Then, use a black liquid liner to draw a very dramatic winged look across your upper lid. Then, use a purple liner to draw a line right on top of it, but at the edge flick it up a bit more so you get two little wings. I used Eyeko’s Skinny Liquid Eyeliners in black and purple. I used the purple to draw a very thin line against my bottom lashes as well, and brought it up to meet the black wing.
Then I applied some very dramatic false lashes, a healthy dose of Marc Jacobs Lash Lifter Gel Volume Mascara, and fluffed some of the pink shadow onto my cheeks. I also worked some of e.l.f. Liquid Eyeliner in Copper across my lid, making sure to spread the glitter around for maximum shimmer.
For my lips, I used Maybelline Color Sensational High Shine Lip Gloss in Lavender Lavish.
This is the ultimate costume for girls who are into costumes that simultaneously reference emotionally tumultuous films and also allow for maximum slut factor. Just wear a sparkly bra and panties! And platform lucite heels. And an attitude.
I want to, nay, NEED to look like this every damn day.
Here’s a brief list of other Halloween looks a pink wig lends itself to:
- Katy Perry
- Lady Gaga
- Princess Bubblegum
- Gwen Stefani
- Erin Esurance
- Helen Mirren
- P!nk, herself
- That girl from Glee for a while
- Nicki Minaj
- Charlotte Free
- Zombie Pinterest (I really want to see someone do this. I’m thinking Mason Jars for hands, lots of yarn.)
- A troll doll
What am I forgetting?