Bangs, fringe, breakage — whatever you call it, it'll fit in some butterfly clips.
When I think of hair, I immediately think Princess Leia and her buns. That’s just where my mind goes. So imagine Princess Leia appearing to you in holographic form from the depths of your droid (or iPhone), not asking for help defeating the Empire, but for help deciding what to do with her outdated style. Because that, dear readers, is exactly what I need. You’re my only hope, Keno-Beyotches!
Speaking of the Rebellion…remember when I went pink?
That was me rebelling against the Hollywood system and their cookie-cutter boxes we ladies must fit (our boxes) into in order to achieve a modicum of success, and also to avoid eating Del Taco 3 times a day. (Crinkle cut French fries with Mexican food!) At my age (34) I am regulated to the corner of “mom” and “hot mom” and sometimes “MILF” if I’m really lucky, all of which makes me insanely hateful of the system in place. So: pink!
The pink was also in response to a move 3,000 miles across the country to Los Angeles, from NY, where I lived for 15 years. They say the more traumatic the event, the more drastic the change in appearance. A change in scenery earns a solid 25 points on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, a mere 38 points behind the death of a family member.
And with that, I give you the reason I now need help deciding what to do with my look: it reminds me of my dead father.
There’s really no easy way to say that, is there? You just have to put it out there. My father died this past July after an eight-year battle with early-onset Alzheimer’s.
People die. It sucks, but it happens. Facts. And also, I am OK. As you can see by the light-hearted nature of this post, I really am. I cry from time to time, but I have a great support system, a wonderful husband, and a pretty amazing puppy that “hugs” my neck with her own, and licks away my tears. So, yeah, I’m OK.
But while I was back east dealing with all of that, I completely ignored my hair, and my roots--my natural brunette roots, which I haven’t seen in 25-plus years--started to show. I looked a mess. Not a hot mess, just a straight up mess.
I mentioned to my cousin that I wanted my sides shorter, so she cut them on the porch with kitchen sheers.
It ended up looking great, but by the time I was back in LA, it needed maintaining again. This was when I took it upon myself to shave the sides in the mirror using my hubs’ beard clippers. Not an easy task. I recommend NOT trying that at home as your mirror image can be quite deceiving and can cause you to buzz in the wrong direction. Just, trust me.
You can’t cry, stuff tacos in your face, AND have 2-inch brown roots leading into fading pink hair, and still call yourself a lady unless you’ve got a damn good excuse. Well, I did have one, but every day, time moves it further and further away from me, and I need to get my sh*t together.
Simply put: I need to move on, and I feel as if a change in my hair will help me do that.
The thing is, I can’t decide what that change should be. I am tempted to shave the whole thing off and start over, but I enjoy styling my hair, so I feel like that’s something I’d miss.
So, I turn to you.
Now, before you start recommending styles, keep these things in mind:
- This up here is what my hair currently looks like so the Bo-Derek-on-the-beach look ain’t happening.
- Despite the fact that Hollywood makes me die a little inside, it is the industry I have spent the last 15 years pursuing so I feel as if I owe it to myself to give it a go. So perhaps a fun, funky style that might still get me cast as “Soccer Mom #1” – if that’s a thing that exists?
- I’m about to go on tour with
50 Shades! The Musical, off and on for four months. I need something easy to maintain that will look cute when I do press for the show.
- That being said, I’m pretty savvy when it comes to hair, so whatever the 'do, I can maintain it.
- I don’t think I’ll be going back to pink for a while. Maybe some day.
- I also don't think I'll be going au naturel. (Read: grays.)
And there you have it: my current conundrum wrapped in a saga surrounded by the death of a man who knew I was a star. God, I’m good at making jokes surrounding sad events.
So get suggesting! (And thank you!)