Breakage Bangs: How I'm Dealing with the Unintentional Fringe Caused by Chemical Damage

Featuring a hair dryer that's too cool to have a handle.
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Publish date:
October 28, 2016
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Tags:
bangs, breakage, damaged hair, platinum hair, bleach blonde, chemically damaged hair

Every time a girl asks "Should I get bangs?" a fairy dies or something.

Truly, I believe that the should-I-get-bangs dilemma is a huge smokescreen for something else lacking in your life that you're either unaware of or actively avoiding. Because if you wanted to get bangs, you would just get the damn bangs and move on with your life.

That said, the last time I voluntarily got bangs, it was because of breakage. Sometime circa winter 2015, an Olaplex gone horribly wrong (I had a feeling something wasn't right in the chair and I should've spoken up — my consequence was extreme breakage) gave me jagged pieces of hair all around my hairline. They looked too weird to be intentional but an odd enough length that it was difficult to blend in the rest of my hair. So I thought some sort of Mia Wallace type of bob would be cute. And it was — in the sense that I looked like a 12-year-old again. Not what I was going for.

BUT it did do its job of hiding my horrid breakage. They grew out eventually, as all bangs do, and I learned the valuable lesson (for the 18th time) that bangs just aren't for me. Nope. I think I know myself well enough now to know that I feel pretty meh with bangs.

Fast-forward circa now when my new devotion to chemically treated hair has caused history to repeat itself with THESE gnarly breakage bangs:

Just kidding — that's Angie in Girl, Interrupted!

No, these breakage bangs:

Firstly, Girl. Interrupted was a great look on Angie. She was playing hard for team MPDG, but hot damn, does she look so wildly luscious in that film!

But back to me and my bang problems.

I started to notice around the fifth or sixth time I went in for root touchups that the hair along my center part and my hairline was becoming rather uneven, with little sprouts jutting out here and there. And then about three months ago, it came to my attention that an entire tuft around the crown of my head had gone AWOL. It's long enough to be camouflaged with the rest of my hair, which is probably why I didn't notice it, but holy shit!

My pal Dylan, who's cut my hair a couple times, suggested moving my hair part around so that one section doesn't get too much physical stress and break (my middle part is getting awfully sprouty) but I feel weird with a side part — so, sorry Dylan. I tried. At least twice.

The hair around your baby-hair region is some of the most fragile (and evidenced by my root growth, slower-growing) so it makes sense that it would exhibit breakage. But it's nearly reached critical mass where bangs are starting to happen, all on their own. How dare they?! I can still coax them to the side, but I wondered what they would look like if left to do what they truly want to do, which I can only presume is be the star of the show, prominently displayed over my forehead.

The broken bits want to part with the rest of my hair, so I put a little heat on them to get them to lay to the front. This rocket-ship-looking device is actually a new hairdryer from CHI — the Dura Chi Handshot Dryer, if you're nasty.

You know how hairstylists hold dryers by the barrel all badass and whatnot? Well, I guess that is actually a utilitarian gesture and not just to look cool — it's probably easier on your wrists when you're giving blowouts all day. One of my complaints with blowdrying my hair is that my arms spaghetti (yes, I'm using spaghetti as a verb) by the time I'm nearly dry because hairdryers get heavy after a while with all that wielding. The other complaint is that they're awkwardly shaped to store.

But you know what? This handle-free design is pretty great, as are the touchscreen buttons. Soon, every device is going to become touchscreen. Start lamenting the tactile button-click now! But you know what? My wrists indeed do feel more comfortable drying my hair this way. Innovation!

But back to these sad baby bangs.

I could just snip some surrounding hairs to make them more of a thing, but I don't think I'm going to do that since I just can't commit to bangs for real. These wisps can be easily blended in with the rest of my hair for now, but who knows — maybe the next time I get my roots touched up they'll become a full and proper fringe. But that is a bridge I will cross when I get to it. And I will probably cry all the way over it too.

For now, I can coax this flimsy fringe into something resembling an intentional hairstyle born of breakage and chemical warfare. Kind of like that dude who does all the stunt hair "cutting" with Wolverine claws and fire and stuff.

I haven't exactly thought of an exit strategy for this whole blonde thing, but there's probably a sure chance that it'll involve some sort of breakage reckoning. And I rue that day. RUE IT! But until then... go with it?

But what does one even do about this drastic breakage? Just cut around it? Put tiny extensions on them?

Help?