You want to know something totally quirky and fun that I do when I get all antsy and shaken up about my life choices? I have a complete, emotional SHUTDOWN. Instead of crying or yelling, my feelings just clam up ever so uncomfortably inside me. It’s like my heart is constipated or something. First-year grad students might know what I’m talking about. Or maybe they’re too busy feeling delightfully smug because they’re doing what they totally love and not just enrolling themselves into an inconvenient detour away from the real world. Basically, Lesley’s article from last year speaks volumes to all these EMOTIONS I’m having, and does so with the eloquence and grace that I lack after a night of too much beef stew and one too many "Office" reruns.
So tonight, I appeased my woes in the only way I know how. Rather than sitting here and trying to cry over my keyboard in the dark (because I literally CAN’T, you guys) I ended up cosmetics bingeing and trying to move myself to tears with tearjerker movies and tunes. That’s healthy right? Here’s a rundown.
THE GOODS: So, when I’m in a state of flux and misdirection, I end up buying beauty products that are either unbelievably impractical or blindingly flamboyant. Logically, they should counteract the gloom, right?
Exhibit A is this Great Lash lime green mascara.
I strolled on down the beauty aisle, spotted the samples resting neatly on the gaudiest cardboard display ever and decided that I needed to own some of the brightest mascara in the biz. In my mind I was all: “This will looks so cool and weird! I’ll have awesome zombie girl eyelashes!” In reality it was all, “Oh, man, can I rock fabulous Mardi Gras party lashes every day?” Luckily I found an unconventional yet amazing use for the shade. I ended up rocking it on my eyebrows (yes, MY EYEBROWS). For some reason it really holds their shape in place AND it doesn’t look wildly green like it did on my eyelashes. Actually, you can barely tell. It has just enough greenish tint that actually looks kind of daring and avante garde. I can f*ck with that.
Exhibit B is actually useful to the masses: cheapo Sinful Colors polish.
I got the sassiest sparkly green (aptly named “Call You Later” -- I’m really into the vibrant greens lately) and a neon pink color called “24/7” for only two bucks each. They’re really going after the sexy party girls with those colors and names, which is both funny and fitting for a girl that just took up embroidery as her winter-time craft.
ANYWAY, my last beauty purchase is something I think everyone should try out: Color Tattoo eye shadow by Maybelline.
I bought Tenacious Teal, but the available shades vary. They are bold and long-lasting enough to make a sick smoky eye that stays put until the wee small hours. I like doing a blue smoky eye with my shade and matching it with a smack of pink lipstick (Barbie chic!) but, again, I’m into extreme VIBRANCY with my look. I think the blond hair made me do it.
As for the movies and tunes that have valiantly tried but FAILED to produce actual tears (I’m getting close though, I can feel it!): inordinate amounts of the band Beach House and a healthy dose of Brad Pitt in "Thelma and Louise." Beach House is my JAM. When she sings, I feel some definite emotions rising to the surface, but then, the emotional iron curtain comes right on down.
IN CONCLUSION, when I’m sad I buy lots of weird makeup some of which I can use, some of which makes me look like an insane preteen. Then I hole up in my apartment and listen to sad songs. And watch cute boys on TV. What do you guys do?