It's gonna get sappy up in here.
So, I have really straight, stubby lashes, everyone, and it’s not something I particularly enjoy.
Especially considering the fact that I’m literally surrounded by people with long, luscious, black lashes that they can bat coyly for days. People whose eyelashes are so long they get tangled, people whose lashes curl upward with such whimsy that I want to kill myself, and people with waaah!-mbluance worthy complaints about how wearing glasses is super annoying because their lashes keep batting up against the glass every time they blink. Like, PLEASE. YOU DON’T KNOW PAIN, you know?
The solution to all this lash envy and melodramatic makeup woe is simple, babes. ARDELL LASHES, KISS ADHESIVE, SCISSORS, TWEEZERS and PATIENCE. The process is super cheap, completely reusable, and kind of fast and easy once you get the hang of things.
FIRST THING’S FIRST. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Cut your false eyelashes in half! You get double the lashes! Which is amazing, considering I have no money right now!
Cutting them in half also ensures that each lash piece has an end with short bristles, and an end with long bristles, which is essential for creating that wide-eyed, retro vixen look. Sometimes I think lashes that have long, uniform bristles all over end up making the eyes seem weighed down or awkwardly small, so this money-saving option is really the way to go.
You might want to do some top lid liquid liner application, just to give you a clear line to aim for when you apply the lashes. Also, it masks any mistakes or deviations from the lash line.
Next, you want to bend the lashes slightly, to make them more malleable and manageable (points for obnoxious alliterations, youngs!) and apply a slick coat of adhesive along the already slightly sticky adhesive strip.
I bought a whole bottle of adhesive instead of a tiny tube because, as I mentioned, I rock these everyday and inadvertently to bed most nights. I’m lazy as hell -- it is what it is.
And Kiss Adhesive makes it all possible! And it doesn’t hurt to take off! And it’s four bucks! Buy it immediately!
Once you’ve slathered the adhesive (really, it’s just fancy Elmer’s glue) onto your lashes, wait a few seconds for the chemical reactions to work their sticky magic, and then lay the lash strip gently on top of your lashes. The shorter bristles should sit halfway along your eyelid and the longer bristles should roughly line up with the end of your eye.
Don’t worry about pressing down with your fingers to secure them, because that might make them bunch up or fall off -- or stick to your hands. Which is the ultimate fake eyelash application TURN OFF. I remember getting so irrationally frustrated with that.
That is why you should gently press the lashes against your eye with the slanted tip of a pair of tweezers.
I kind of cringed the first time I did it because, like everyone, I’d prefer to not have sharp objects in the close vicinity of my eyeball (Insert weird sex joke here, maybe? Right? I don’t even know anymore!). But this works! I feel like metal doesn’t stick to the glue as much as sweaty, impatient fingers do.
After that, LEAVE THEM ALONE for like 20 seconds and then gently, GENTLY pat the tips and bristles for reinforcement. Then, BADA-BING, you’re sexy as can be!
It’s really quite simple once you get over the frustration of super tacky eye glue and the fear of stabbing yourself in the eye. Honestly, going halfsies on the eyelashes lessens the amount of effort involved immensely.
And here's a few extra tips for easy, long-lasting application:
1. Start over completely if you fail to position the lashes on correctly the first time. Don’t try to stick them on again over dried glue because the lashes will lose tackiness and they will fall off.
2. Trim the lashes even more if cutting them in half doesn’t fit your eye quite right. The lash piece that you cut should virtually apply onto your eye in a straight line from the middle of your eyelid to the end of your eyelid. If you have really round eyes, the liquid liner underneath will mask the part of the eyelash that doesn’t perfectly curve downward with the shape of your eye. CAMOFLAUGE, LADIES! And gents! No gender discrimination in my house.
3. You can TOTALLY reuse lashes for up to, like, 5 times. I know that sounds unsanitary, but a girl on a budget does what she needs to do. Just make sure you carefully peel off any makeup residue that sticks onto the lash adhesive and stow them away in a safe place.
If you get drunk and forget about them and you end up wearing them overnight, throw them out. I’m not a monster!
4. Finally, I’ll leave you with my current Ardell obsession: Fashion Lashes.
They are so thick and mod and GLAM. I look like a sexy, human version of Lamb Chop whenever I wear these babies! That probably wasn’t the best example! But you know what I mean, right?
Do you guys have any more helpful lash tips? Would you dare to rock fake lashes everyday? Should I get crazy feather ones with rhinestones and shit and try to wear them in my sleepy college town?